The Duh Factor

Movie Sequels

2011-04-08T21:59:00.002-06:00

Why is it that movie makers feel the need to capitalize on a movie's success by releasing sequels? Sure, some movie sequels are great. On the other hand some are just Movie #1 all over again in a different location. Or they are just plain awful. Just how many times are they going to free Willy? (I never watched any of those movies so I don't know if they freed Willy in each one.) But I'm not writing this to go over good and bad sequels. Rather I'm here to talk about naming them.

Some sequels are fine with just a number after the title. Like Toy Story, Toy Story 2 & Toy Story 3. That works. Others are kind of strange. Take the Rambo movies for instance: First Blood, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rambo III & Rambo. Shouldn't it be First Blood, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rambo II: First Blood Part III & Rambo III: First Blood part IV? Or even more logical would be First Blood, Second Blood, Third Blood & Fourth Blood.

The reason this subject is even taking up any space in my brain is that I recently saw the trailer for Scream 4. Naming your movie Scream is pretty bland but not too bad. Scream 2 just sounds weird. So do Scream 3 and Scream 4. Why couldn't they be a little creative with naming these films? I would have named them Scream, Scream Again, Scream Some More & Still Screaming.

Black Friday

2011-03-24T09:35:00.004-06:00

I recently read an article where the basic message was do what you do and hope people love or hate it. If people love it, they'll spread the word. If people hate it, they'll spread the word. If they are indifferent, they'll remain silent.

Someone can vehemently spout hatred for something with the result of having somebody checking it out and liking it. Same goes for the reverse. One can check something out to see how great it is only to find out that the hype is just hype and the "thing" actually sucks.

It makes sense to me. Would you like a real life example? Rebecca Black and her "hit" single, Friday.

People are viewing the YouTube vid like it's going out of style. It had 42,970,631 views upon the writing of this article. Most of the views are off bad press. But guess what? Friday is #39 on the iTunes chart outselling Justin Bieber and Katy Perry.

Somebody is makin' a little cash off of bad press. Not to mention a video gone viral and a whole lot of people now know who Rebecca Black is.

What do I think of the song, you ask? With it's Auto-Tune fortitude, above and beyond ultra lame lyrics and a 13-year-old who has probably already peaked in her music career, I think it sucks.

And thanks to my negative review and taking the time to write about it I've only helped fuel the movement.

Me and my big mouth.

3 Groovin' Kings

2010-11-03T12:34:00.002-06:00

Three kings from the East are following a star that is taking them West. They've been traveling through the desert for quite some time when they decide to stop for a little rest. And a little jam session.

The result is 3 Groovin' Kings. This new take on an old classic is now available on iTunes.

Spread the word!

Product Branding

2010-06-29T10:00:00.002-06:00

Ever notice how when a company comes out with a new product that all the other companies' products that follow suit get called the pioneering company's name? Like Jet Ski? Weed Eater? Band Aid? A company called Jet Ski created a Personal Water Craft and everybody called it by it's brand name, "Jet Ski". Then all the other Personal Water Crafts like it were called Jet Ski too even though there was only one company called Jet Ski.

What's my point? Irritating Branding Nonsense. Sing with me:

"I am stuck on Band Aid Brand 'cause Band Aid's Stuck on me!"

When I was a kid the word "Brand" wasn't in that jingle. It was merely:

"I am stuck on Band Aid, 'cause Band Aid's Stuck on me!"

Somewhere somebody decided they needed to set the pinnacle of adhesive bandages apart from the others by adding "Brand" to it. Most people I know call any adhesive bandage "Band Aid" regardless of who makes it. So why did Johnson & Johnson have to add "Brand" to their already cool Band Aid name? I dunno. I still hate the word "Brand" in the jingle. Throws off the meter.

This reminds me of playing with Legos as a child. One day I decided I must read the entire instruction booklet including all of the fine print. Much to my dismay I discovered that all of us children who loved our Legos were doing it wrong. The note read something like this:

"Please refer to this product as "Lego Brand Building Blocks" and not "Legos" blah, blah, blah."

I can't remember the exact wording but it was something like that.

Now what kid is going to say "Lego Brand Building Blocks" when they can just say "Legos"? None that I know of. Hand me that red Lego Brand Building block with the two dots on the top. No, not that one. The other one next to the yellow Lego Brand Building block that's square with the four dots. Hey Billy! Wanna come over and play with my Lego Brand Building Blocks? How dumb does that sound?

I think for vacation this year we will go visit Lego Brand Building Blocks Land. And if I get a cut I sure hope I have a Band Aid Brand adhesive bandage!

Headline Nonsense

2009-09-20T22:11:00.001-06:00

Here's a headline from CNN on Sunday, Sept. 20:

Kid scores 1,019,000 on Guitar Hero

Big freakin' deal. I'm sure the college recruiters are lining up at this kid's door.

Lung Ailment Caused by Spoon Fragment

2009-09-19T13:07:00.002-06:00

John Manley has suffered two years of ill health, coughing, vomiting and pain. Finally a doctor, using an endoscope, looked into John's lungs and found the problem. The culprit? A plastic spoon handle from Wendy's. They are calling it a fragment but when you can read "Wendy's" on one side and "hamburgers" on the other, one must ascertain that it was a decent sized chunk.

Now John doesn't recall chowing on a spoon so he said it must have been in either the food or drink. If it was in the food, one would think it would have been discovered by the teeth. I've eaten hamburger with a piece of bone or cartilage in it that was quite easily discovered once it came between my teeth. And it was pretty small. Certainly not large enough to print "Wendy's" on it. If one were eating fast enough I guess there's the possibility of the plastic being missed.

If the handle were in the drink I could understand it going past the teeth undetected. Since fast-food beverages are routinely consumed via straw, I can't imagine a fragment large enough to have legible print on it to be able to pass through the straw. In either case, how did the plastic get into the lung?

That's probably where the saying "inhaling your food" comes from.

Obamanomics

2009-04-05T13:18:00.003-06:00

I found this photo to be quite humorous. Why? Because it's funny! Now I had somebody tell me:

"To be fair to him, no he didn't do that. No one person is to blame, and I am personally shocked at the fact that a group of people could so easily condemn one man for what is obviously a broad spectrum of factors contributing in a global economic meltdown."

Obviously Obama isn't solely responsible for the economic situation we are in at the moment. The plane started losing altitude before he took office. I don't think it takes an above average I.Q. to understand that if an airplane is losing altitude that the best way to correct it is to put the plane into a nosedive.

And yes, that is exactly what he's doing.

The R-Word

2009-04-04T21:04:00.003-06:00

In an ever increasing attempt to eliminate any potential chance of offending anyone, anywhere, at any time, a new movement has arisen to classify the word “retard” and any derivative as a hate word. They are even going as far as to say “The r-word”. So from henceforth, we'll refrain from use of the r-word in it's traditional form. First let's look at the definition of the word:

R-Word
–verb (used with object)
1. to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
–verb (used without object)
2. to be delayed
–noun
3. a slowing down, diminution, or hindrance, as in a machine.
Slang: Disparaging
4. a. a mentally r-worded persaon
b. a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way: a hopeless social r-word.
5. Automotive, Machinery. an adjustment made in the setting of the distributor of an internal-combustion engine so that the spark for ignition in each cylinder is generated later in the cycle.

Definition #4 is showing where the derogatory use of the word originates. So therefore there is a negative use for the r-word. On the other hand there is regular use in practical, every day living for the r-word also. This is especially true in the Automotive Industry. When adjusting the timing on an engine, one either advances the timing or r-words it. Imagine the conversation in an auto shop:

Hank: This engine ain't runnin' right.
Merl: The timing is too far advanced.
Hank: What do you think I should do?
Merl: You need to r-word it you moron!

Sounds r-worded doesn't it? I think so too.

It doesn't matter what terminology is used to describe those with challenges it will be used by the majority as an insult for somebody who isn't challenged who does something stupid. Here's a list thus far:

R-word, R-worded – used originally to describe a person with a birth defect affecting the development of their brain. If a person who wasn't born with this defect does something against the grain of common sense, the response was, “Are you r-worded?” or “Don't be such an r-word!”

Mentally Challenged/Handicapped – used in place of the r-word to describe a person with a birth defect affecting the development of their brain. If a person who wasn't born with this defect does something against the grain of common sense, the response was, “Are ya mental?”

Special Education, Special Ed – used to describe the education provided for those with a birth defect affecting the development of their brain. If a person who wasn't born with this defect does something against the grain of common sense, the response was, “You're such a SpEd!”

To further accentuate the “Special” ones, the school system used smaller buses to transport those with special needs to and from school. Unfortunately, being a smaller group of individuals, their bus was obviously not as long as the other buses hauling students around. Therefore the insult used for a person who wasn't born with this defect does something against the grain of common sense, the response was, “And you ride the short bus.”

If this whole “r-word” movement takes effect the next insult will be, “Don't be such an r-word!”

The Special Olympics are spearheading this movement. Don't they have enough to do already? Don't they have better things to spend the organization's funds on? Now I have total respect for those who work with the mentally handicapped. They have a patience and wisdom that is far beyond me. But to make the r-word a hate word is completely r-worded!

What makes the r-word so different that other degrogatory words used to describe people? First of all, the r-word has different uses: Some positive, one negative. The n-word (I find the use of this word offensive) has only 1 use and it's derogatory to people African decent. Spic has only 1 use and it's degrogatory mainly towards Mexicans but is used against those of Latin American decent. At least it's a derivative of Hispanic and last time I checked Hispanic wasn't an offensive word. Wop, used against Italians, supposedly got it's use during the mass immigration to the United States. It's what was written on the backs of those who didn't have papers. W-O-P was written and it meant Without Papers.

It seems to me that nobody really knows the meaning of all three of those words, n-word, wop and spic. The only thing the dictionary says is “slang, disparaging” against a particular race. The r-word isn't solely a word used as disparaging slang. It has other meanings too.

As an American caucasian male I've been called a yankee or yank (Dang straight!), a honky (A what? I still have no idea what a “honky” is.), and a cracker (I must be a Ritz!). None of these words offends me in any way. Why? They hold no meaning for me or anybody I know. But dang-nabbit! If the r-word is going to be changed to the r-word then from here on out honkey is the h-word, yankee is the y-word, and cracker is the c-word! Ok, now I'm being r-worded.

Do I think we should call people who are mentally challenged r-words? Absolutely not! We shouldn't refer to them as stupid, idiots or addled either. They may be mentally challenged but they are smart enough to know when they are being insulted. They may be mentally challenged but they have feelings too. They are human. They are people. Therefore they need to be given the same love and respect that we all desire.

If the r-word gets changed to the r-word just think of the strange ramafications it will have on the Enlish language:

If the engine is pinging try r-wording the timing 5 degrees.
This clothing is not flame r-wordant.

To me the whole thing is just retarded.

Silly Scientists, Lungs Aren't For Frogs

2008-04-13T11:47:00.001-06:00

I read an article on CNN today about the discovery of a lungless frog. That's right. A species of frog that doesn't have any lungs. Oxygen is absorbed through the skin. They say that the frog got rid of its lungs (due to an evolutionary process) to reduce buoyancy so they could avoid being swept away in the fast moving rivers they call home.

They are also worried about the illegal mining and logging that is clogging the rivers of Croakus Non-Lungous with silt. These acts are causing the frogs to run out of living space. I do not really understand their worry. If the frogs got rid of their lungs to adapt to river dwelling. Then they should be able to grow them back to live on land.

Stupid Scientists.

God Is A Crutch!

2007-12-09T11:43:00.000-07:00

How many times have you heard this: "God is just a crutch!" For me, it has been plenty. For the longest time I didn't know how respond to this statement. If I say, "No He's not." then I'm lying by declaring I don't need Him. If I say, "Yes He is." then I've admitted to my own weakness, and playing into that statement, I'm just using God as the fall guy. It's a Catch 22.

The other day this statement came to my mind. Not sure why as I haven't heard the The Crutch Argument in quite some time. But then it hit me. God is a crutch that I lean on daily. If it weren't for my "crutch" I wouldn't make it. Define it. It: Eternal life in paradise. Without my crutch, I spend eternal life separated from God.

God is a crutch that everyone is going to lean on eventually. Those who reject the truth until it's too late will try and lean on the crutch at Judgment only to have it ripped out from underneath them. "I never knew you."

What it boils down to is at what point in our lives are we going to lean on God? As soon as we hear the Good News? Sometime after pondering the truth and realizing it to be truth? Or after death when the crutch is no longer an option? I chose a long time ago to lean on God. And my life has been the better for it.

What I Have Learned - Forgiveness

2007-08-14T12:40:00.000-06:00

Forgiveness is a main key to our relationship with Christ. God forgave us a huge debt that we don't deserve to be forgiven of. Why should we not forgive others of their tiny debt?

Welcome to Derek's Discovery of Forgiveness.

Long story short. My dad left home when I was six. Resentment built over the years and really materialized in my teen years. I really didn't care if I saw him again. Then he called me when I was 18. He apologized for leaving and asked for forgiveness. I forgave him. I know it was real becuase it immediately felt like a 2-ton weight came off my shoulders.

But the forgiveness was not complete. I found myself getting bitter and resenting him whenever I thought about the past. I had to continually forgive him. Then around Feb. March of last year, I realized I was rehashing the past in my mind again. But this time was different. I wasn't getting all worked up. I wasn't angry. A little sad over the lost years, but not angry or bitter. At last the forgiveness was complete.

What's interesting is that it took about 13 years for my dad to come to a place in life to humble himself and ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness was given but it took 13 years for it to become complete. Sounds like a long time and it was. But it's complete.

And since that breakthrough I've found it much easier to forgive other people and issues of the past. And I feel so free!

Unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment doesn't hurt those who've wronged us. It only hurts the one who can't or won't forgive. If we don't forgive, we're being self-destructive.

It's our job to forgive and ask forgiveness. If we need forgiveness then we need to go to the one we've wronged and humbly ask. Then it's their job to forgive. And if they won't, it becomes their problem.

Holy Smokes!

2007-04-28T22:47:00.000-06:00

Man is it dusty in here! I need a maid!

Just a really quick note to let everyone know that the recording is going well! We're almost done. I only have 1 more song to get the bass tracks done and then it's all up to Dan to put together LOL. Sometimes being the bass player has its perks!

Anyway it's all good!

God bless both of you who stop by here from time to time!

Have a great weekend!

Back In The Saddle

2007-02-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

I'm baaaaack! Back in the saddle again!

What does that mean? Does it mean I'm going to be blogging more often again? Maybe. What it really means is that I'm getting back into music. And I must say that I'm thoroughly stoked! If you didn't know this already, I'm a bass player. I played in quite a number of bands from 1988 to 1999. Then my musical pursuits came to a screeching halt.

But just recently that has changed. I entered a video contest put on by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I also put myself up as an artist on MySpace and ShoutLife. This led to meeting Dan & Barb Johnson of Sanctyfied. And Dan has invited me to play bass on their next CD called Flying High! scheduled for a Fall/Winter release. How cool is that? I thought so too!

I'm still going to be working closely with Nathan Creek on an upcoming mega hard rock/metal project that's currently in the planning stages. Along with playing on the worship team at church and helping out a few others with their songs, I can honestly say I'm gettin' very musically busy! I'm just giddy with excitement. I know, "giddy" isn't quite the manly word to use but what can I say?

I can say this: God is sooooooooo good! He's the one who's provided these opportunities for me. Thanks, God! You truly are great!

Stay tuned for greatness!

Morning Worship

2007-01-21T22:40:00.001-07:00

Today was pretty normal Sunday. I got up and went to the early service, played on the Worship Team, went home and picked up my family so we all could attend the later service together. It was during worship at the 2nd service that things went awry. The second song we sang was new to us. It's called "The Stand" by Hillsong United. The lyrics are as follows:

You stood before creation
Forever within Your hand
You spoke all life into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin went upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

I walk upon salvation
The Spirit of light in me
My soul to declare Your promise
My life in Your hands

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

When we got to "You stood before my failure / Carried the Cross for my shame" I got choked up. I couldn't sing any more. I tried. Before I knew it tears were coming from my eyes. I could only close my eyes and raise a hand while the congregation continued to sing.

It really hit me hard what Christ did for us. Taking my failures, my sin, my shame, long before I was born, and nailed them to a tree. He let them hang there in agony for at least 3 hours. He took those things to the grave with him. But 3 days later He rose from the dead. He came out of the grave alive once again.

But my sin. My failures. My shame. Remain buried to this day.

And yours are buried too.

Trans-Siberian Orchestra

2007-01-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

The Trans-Siberian Orchestra is currently running a contest. They have taken their song "Wizards in Winter" and removed certain parts, ie. guitar, bass, drums, or keyboards. Then you make a video of you playing the removed part of choice along with the song and upload it to YouTube.

Here's the link to my entry in the bass category:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNBcX3v175g

Feedback is appreciated.

Enjoy!

'Twas the Night, or Rather Early Morning

2006-12-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas!

Have a blessed Holiday Season by whichever name you call it. I call it Christmas.

For without Christ, it's just a mess.

Cracking Jokes

2006-11-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

Microsoft made a funny yesterday. I about fell out of my chair I laughed so hard. Here is what they said:

Vista is finished.

Our Village Idiot Teaches History

2006-09-29T09:31:00.000-06:00

I've often wondered what's wrong with kids today. But I've come to the conclusion that it's not all the kids' fault. (Granted some kids are just bad eggs and need to be flushed.) There are quite a number of teachers out there who, quite frankly, shouldn't be telling our kids anything.

The other day my 13-year-old, 8th grade son informs my wife and I where cocaine comes from. The cocao bean! And that's why chocolate can be so addictive. After a mild fit of laughter we ask him where he got this information from. He said it was his History Teacher.

You've got to be kidding me!

First of all, I never new that cocaine was really a part of American History. At least not enough to substantiate a quick lesson on the how to's of extracting cocaine from your Hershey bar. What was this "teacher" thinking? Obviously they weren't.

So we held a short, brain-cleansing debriefing session to undo the potential damage. We let him know that cocaine comes from the coca leaf and chocolate is made from the cocao bean. There isn't any cocaine in chocolate, cocoa, Cocoa Puffs or Coca-Cola. Well, at least not any more. We printed out the facts off of the internet and sent it with him to give to his teacher. Makes me wonder what other complete nonsense this person "teaches" our kids.

So we set the record straight: Cocaine comes from coca leaves, chocolate from cocao beans, and his History Teacher is full of caca.

In All Things

2006-09-18T11:55:00.000-06:00

Paul told the believers in Philipi that he had learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. (Philippians 4:10-13) "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

But long before Paul said it, another had already put being content into practice. Habakkuk had put a few gripes before the Lord pretty much asking God why He tolerates injustice. After God assured Habakkuk that all would be well, Habakkuk said "I will wait patiently for the day of calamity to come on the nation invading us." After which he says:

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
(Habakkuk 3:17-19)

What shall we do then? Complain, rant and rave when things aren't going our way? Or brag and gloat when things are going great? Nope.

We're to rejoice in the Lord! We're to be content. If we have our eyes stayed on Jesus, the circumstances around us are merely that: circumstances around us. God is our strength. God is our provider. He promises to take care of us.

And He doesn't lie.

The Cross

2006-09-05T21:57:00.000-06:00

A young man was at the end of his rope, seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees in prayer:

"Lord, I can't go on," he said. "I have too heavy a cross to bear."

The Lord replied, "My son, if you can't bear its weight, just place your cross inside this room. Then, open that other door and pick out any cross you wish."

The man was filled with relief and said, "Thank you Lord," and he did as he was told.

Upon entering the other door, he saw many crosses; some so large the tops were not visible. Then, he spotted a tiny cross leaning against a far wall.

"I'd like that one, Lord," he whispered. The Lord replied, "My son, that is the cross you just brought in."

When life's problems seem overwhelming, it helps to look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself far more fortunate than you imagined.

YOUR CROSS

Whatever your cross
Whatever your pain
There will always be sunshine
After the rain

Perhaps you may stumble
Perhaps even fall
But God's always there
To help you through it all

Flip Flop or Wishy Washy?

2006-09-03T11:40:00.000-06:00

Tom Cruise apologized to Brooke Shields after he criticized her for taking anti-depressants. Why the sudden change of heart?

Looks like Tom has had his meds upped a bit.

Sympathy for Hezbollah?

2006-08-04T10:31:00.000-06:00

I don't think so. If you think Israel is out of line for its aggressive stance against Hezbollah, just remember that Hezbollah is more than a rogue militia. They are more than a terrorist group. Their ultimate goal, dream, and/or wish is to see Israel utterly destroyed. They don't just wish for Israel as a nation to cease to exist, they would like to see ALL of the Jews dead. They are a self-proclaimed, mortal enemy of Israel.

If some group or nation wanted to see your family eradicated, would you just talk nice to them? Would you just ask them to please leave you alone? Would you sit and negotiate as your family members are picked off one by one? I don't think so. At some point you would say, "Enough is enough!" and kick the ever living crap out of that group. Or die trying.

For those who think that Israel is the problem here, just let yourself be reminded of a few things:

It was Hezbollah which attacked the U.S. Embassy in Beirut in April 1983 and killed 63 people.
It was Hezbollah which blew up our Marine barracks in Beirut in October 1981 and killed 241 American military personnel.
It was Hezbollah which hijacked TWA flight 847 and killed U.S. Navy diver Robert Stethem, who happened to be on board.
Hezbollah has been launching Katyusha rockets into northern Israel for more than 10 years.
Hezbollah is a terrorist organization has been responsible for kidnapping and killing many Americans in Lebanon, including CIA operative William F. Buckley and Col. William Higgins, a U.S. Marine serving with a U.N. peacekeeping force.
How many times have we and the rest of the world said, "Well, that's all right this time, but don't let it happen again!" And it's happened again?

And what about Lebanon? You would think that they would at least stand with Israel to get a terrorist organization out of their country. That is unless the Lebanese government is supportive of Hezbollah. I think the lack of action by the Lebanese speaks louder than their calls for peace.

Something That Made Me Go, Hmmmm.

2006-07-04T00:04:00.000-06:00

Why is it when I drink a Mountain Dew that is very lemony, my breath isn't lemony fresh?

T. Rex versus The Chicken

2006-06-23T09:46:00.000-06:00

Paleontologists have decided that the Tyrannosaurus Rex isn't really the terrible lizard they thought it was. Instead of being a limber, agile hunter wreaking havoc, scaring the poo out of and eating every living thing, the T. Rex was actually a lumbering, scavenger doofus. So much for Jurassic Park. They are even going on to say that Lizard King is more like an evergrown chicken. Minus feathers and wings of course.

Recently, intact DNA was found in red blood cells in T. Rex bones. Hey! We can clone a dinosaur! According to one guy, you don't need DNA. All you need to do is retroengineer a chicken. He says that all the T. Rex DNA is already in a chicken. All you have to do is turn it back on. Okie dokie, Mister.

Let's compare a chicken to the T. Rex.

Rex: Big, scaley Chicken: Small, feathery
Rex: Scavenger Chicken: Hunter/Gatherer
Rex: Dead meat eater Chicken: Eats grain, grass, insects, seedlings, seeds, etc.
Rex: Small useless arms Chicken: Normal semi-useless wings.

Yup! The similarities abound!

Science is a wonderful thing. So much is discovered and rediscovered and discovered again. There is so much information being learned. All this study on the Tyrannasaurus Rex and now we know!

It tasted like chicken.

Does Anybody Really Care?

2006-06-13T07:48:00.000-06:00

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie had a baby. BIG NEWS! So big it makes the headlines at CNN. They move their baby to a hideaway. MORE BIG NEWS! They leave the hideaway. WHOOPEE. BIG DEAL. WHO CARES?

I don't understand why this is getting such big media attention. Are they the first couple in history to procreate? Are they on to something?

BREAKING NEWS: Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie unlock the secrets for baby making. We've been doing it the hard way all these years!

I find it really hard to believe that CNN can't find better stories to print than this.

A New Title

2006-05-25T08:22:00.000-06:00

Like everybody else I was born with titles. As soon as I entered this world I was a Son, Brother, Nephew, Cousin & Grandson. A little later in life I recieved the title of Uncle. Then came Husband, Son-in-Law, Brother-in-Law and Father.

Now I'm a Grandpa. And I can honestly say I'm very proud to be one.

Yesterday, May 24th, 2:24 pm a new life entered this world. His name is Gavin Lee. He weighs in at 8 pounds 13 ounces. The son of my daughter, Rachel of whom I'm quite proud. It wasn't the easiest of deliveries but she pulled through like a champ. And Trevor did an amazing job, not only in the delivery room, but through the whole pregnancy. I'm proud of him too.

Holding that little guy yesterday, only hours old, was amazing. I've held newborns before. But this was different. This one is my Grandson.

And I'm his Grandpa.

The Dryer Saga

2006-05-22T01:31:00.000-06:00

A few years ago we were in need of a washer and dryer. God blessed us with a washer/dryer set for $50. It was an old set but worked great. After 3 years of use, the dryer decided to retire.

So the hunt for another one began. Again, God blessed us. We found a dryer of the same model, but a little newer for $60. And we got it in record time.

This dryer was a little tempermental from the start. The high setting was so hot that the clothes would literally burn your fingers when you took them out. Then it didn't want to start. You'd have to spin the drum by hand a couple of times before it would run. Then the latch didn't want to hold. Now you have spin it, shut the door real fast, hit the switch and secure the door with a good tape of your choice.

So we decided to look for another dryer.

Again, God came through. We not only got a dryer, but we got a washer that's better than our current one. All for the nice nifty price of $20.

God is gooood!

Mind the Gap!

2006-05-15T13:10:00.000-06:00

A survey held in the U.K. states that over 60% of Britons use items like screwdrivers, scissors and earrings to remove food from between their teeth. Don't they sell dental floss over there? Is there a large fear of dentists ravaging the population?

One would think that if the gaps between somebody's teeth were large enough to use a screwdriver to shove stuck bits of food out, they could just fill their mouths with water and swish it out. Or they could use their tongue or just blow it out. Why not just open your mouth and smack the back of your head? The leftovers would probably just fall out. And the chunks would be bite size!

For that matter they should just be able to reach in and pluck the remainders of lunch with their fingers.

My guess is that they don't actually floss with these tools. Rather they just pry their teeth apart allowing anything lodged to succumb to gravity.

Hieny The Mule

2006-05-04T16:31:00.000-06:00

There once was a old man and his young grandson who were very poor. They had sold off just about everything they owned just to make it. All they had left to sell was their mule. His name was Hieny.

So the old man says to the boy, “Well, looks like we need to take good ol' Hieny to market and sell him.” So off they went. The old man and boy walking side by side leading Hieny to market.

Then they came to a town. Some grumpy old men sitting on a porch observed the two leading the mule. One quipped, “Look at those idiots walking all the way to town. That poor boy ain't gonna make it. Puttin' him on the mule makes more sense to me!”

Not wishing to look like an idiot any longer the old man took the boy and up onto Hieny's back he went. So they continued their journey to market. The old man leading Hieny while the young boy rode.

Coming into the next town a group of gossips noticed the man, boy and mule and just couldn't help but speaking out: “What a shame to make that old man walk while the young boy rides! How selfish, rude and disrespectful!”

Not wishing to look like an idiot, nor having the boy seem selfish or rude, the old man hopped up on Hieny's back behind the boy. And so their journey to market continued.

At the next town a gathering of young strapping men saw the man and boy riding the mule to market and immediately began to poke fun at the old man saying, “Those two are going to ride that mule into the ground! There'll be nothing left to sell once you get there!”

So the old man climbed down and took the young boy down too. He thought about what the young men said about riding the mule to death. Since they really needed the mule to be in the best shape possible. So he and the boy decided to carry Hieny the rest of the way to market.

This new plan was working very well. Then they came to a rope and wooden bridge that crossed a huge gorge. As they were making their way across both the old man and young boy slipped on the smooth wood planks ultimately pitching the poor mule over the side. Obviously the mule fell to his death.

The End!

Wait! There's a moral!

You can please all of the people some of the time.
You can please some of the people all of the time.
But if you try to please all of the people, all of the time?
You'll lose your Hieny.

The Profits of an Oil Company

2006-04-29T09:22:00.000-06:00

As gas prices soar to record highs all over the country, oil companies are reporting profit gains for the first quarter. What I want to know is if gas prices are being raised to reflect higher oil prices, why are the oil companies earning more money than last year? I'll answer my own question. It's purely out of greed.

The definition of profit is:

1. An advantageous gain or return; benefit.
2. The return received on a business undertaking after all operating expenses have been met.
3. a. The return received on an investment after all charges have been paid. Often used in the plural.
b. The rate of increase in the net worth of a business enterprise in a given accounting period.
c. Income received from investments or property.
d. The amount received for a commodity or service in excess of the original cost.

Exxon reported a first quarter profit of $8.4 BILLION. Nearly $1 BILLION more than last year. So after Exxon purchases and/or ships the the oil to their refineries, refines the oil into gasoline, ships the gasoline to the stations, pays it's employees and takes care of ALL of their overhead costs, they still come out $8.4 BILLION ahead.

You can't tell me that Exxon is unable to lower their prices.

Gasoline is a necessity in today's world. Everybody needs it. Not only does it allow us to pursue our livelihoods and stay in touch with our families. Gasoline is how we receive the goods and services that everybody in this nation needs to keep on keeping on.

But oil companies seem to think that a constant yearly growth in huge profits is more important that the welfare of our nation's citizens. They are raising gasoline to levels that soon only the wealthy are going to be able to afford. Why?

Because $1 billion in profits isn't enough.

Which Is It?

2006-04-24T11:19:00.000-06:00

Iran's President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (pronounced I'm mad ini head) says he's all about peace. "We have nuclear stuff! It's really neat! But it's for peaceful things like electricity! Seriously! We're all about peace over here! By the way, Israel is a fake regime! They need to be wiped off the map! The Holocaust is fake too! Just like Israel! Peace to all!"

Who does this Joe think he's foolin? Nobody over here.

2000 Years Ago Today

2006-04-16T04:34:00.000-06:00

2000 years ago today a man was healed of wounds I can't even begin to imagine to bear. His blood stained rags were traded in for a brand new suit. The shame he bore in the face of a multitude was wiped clean. Today a man's debt was paid in full. No collector could touch him. No longer a slave, he could walk free again.

2000 years ago today a man was reunited with his father. Estranged for what seemed like an eternity, the outcast was welcomed home. He was welcomed with love and outstretched arms.

And on this day, I was set free from the burden of sin that would want its place on my shoulders. 2000 years before my birth.

You see, 2000 years ago, Jesus did what no other "religious leader", prophet, or holy man has ever done. He rose from the dead. Conquering Death & Hell he took the keys to my soul and gave them to his father in Heaven.

He has your key too. All you have to do is accept Christ as your Lord and personal Savior. If you do then you will walk with the rest of us who have on streets paved with gold. And we'll reside in the presence of the Holy God of Israel forever.

Happy Easter!

*No bunnies or eggs had anything to do with it.

Back in the Strap Again

2006-04-05T20:25:00.000-06:00

After many moons of doing little with music (aside from working with a few songs here and there for Nathan Creek) I've decided to finish a bunch of songs that I've been toying with. I'm going to be putting them on a CD compilation called The Beta Sessions. The first song that is nearing completion is a little ditty I wrote for my wife about 7 years ago called The Pavilion. I know. I'm kinda pokey.

You see, one of my musical passions is bass guitar. I've been playing since around 1989. Over the past few years music has taken a back seat to life. Well, now life has mellowed out some so I have more time to work on it. Not to mention I've now got my music gear next to my computer which makes composing and recording so much easier.

I thought it would be fun to share a sample of the work in progress. It's a section that contains the second verse & chorus. I experimented with singing on it and it sounded kinda ucky. So there aren't any vocals. And the drum machine I used to keep time is old so yes, I know, the drums sound a bit cheesy. I play both the guitar and bass on this. I also programmed the cheesy drums.

The Pavilion <--- 640 K 60 seconds in length. I hope you like it. If you don't, that's ok. My wife loves it.

Calendar Says It's Spring

2006-04-03T11:10:00.000-06:00

Psych!

It snowed on April Fool's Day.

It was gone pretty much by noon the next day.

I guess Spring likes to play with our minds.

I'd pull a prank or 2 on Mother Nature.

See how she likes it.

The result would probably be the destruction of some area populated by nuns and children.

So I won't.

*sigh*

Go Alabama!

2006-03-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

The State of Alabama is close to passing legislation of the Rosa Parks Act. To sum it up means that anybody who was arrested for violating the state's segregation law would be pardoned.

At first I thought, "Big deal. It's not going to make any difference, blah, blah, blah." Then I thought about it for a minute. The realization struck me like a ball of lint for something.

The State of Alabama is recognizing the fact that their segregation laws were wrong. The arrests made under those laws were wrong. Those who were arrested were, indeed, right.

So go, Alabama! Thank you for setting an example.

I hope other states follow suit.

Life's Eras & The Passing of Time - The High School Years:

2006-03-13T00:09:00.000-07:00

The world was a big place. And we were itching to explore it! We were learning how to build our bodies. We were filling our minds. We were debating with adults and holding our own. We were driving cars. We were brainstorming ideas. We were inventing new things. We were creating. Discovering. Contributing. We were tired of being held back by being too young. We thought we knew it all!

The Finish Line of childhood was in sight. But we couldn't sprint harder to get there. The clock that was ruling our lives was keeping that line just out of reach. Each step was like one step of a super slow motion race. Except my mind was still in real time. The closer I came to graduation the more excited I got. My “formal education” was nearly complete.

Dating was raised to a whole new level too. No longer was “going out” passing notes in class or holding hands on the playground. And it wasn't measured in days or weeks. But now it was months and even years. Conversation with members of the opposite sex graduated from giggles and small talk to religion, politics, relationships, fears and dreams.

Physically my body was more like a man's than a child. I was strong and agile. The realization struck me that if it came down to it that I could knock my 5' 2” mother into next week. She really couldn't tell me what to do or physically restrain me if I chose to rebel. But being of sound mind, and having a deep love and respect for my mom, forcing my way was not an option. So wisdom was growing too.

With growing wisdom came an understanding of past events. Like my Mom and Dad's divorce. It happened when I was 6. The comprehension of that event and past 15+ years hit me like a rock. A distaste and anger for my father grew. I didn't realize it until my younger brother, Travis and I were arguing about Driver's Ed. Dad was going to pay for his and Travis threw it in my face. My response was:

“I don't want anything from that man!”

My short fuse also had grown shorter. Little did I understand I was hurtling down the path toward anger management. But I was. I think it all stemmed back to the divorce. But I'm not sure. I am not blaming anything nor anyone, certainly not my Dad. But my anger was like a weed. It had a little flower, stem and leaves on top, but also a root that dug deep to the center of my soul.

It would fully manifest itself later.

Near the end of my high school career I finally was able to purchase my first electric guitar. It was a Rhodes V ripoff and it was hot pink! I loved that guitar. Some friends taught me a few chords, the Rock-N-Roll power chord and I was off like a shot! One step toward dreams of musical greatness was complete.

I saved the most important event of this time for last. Even though it happened at the beginning of this era. I've always called myself a Christian but I wasn't really doing anything. I was pretty much going through the motions but I didn't realize it. I attended church every week but it was really because my mom made me. I didn't go grudgingly as I believed in God and Christ and I was afraid of Hell. But I was doing the bare minimum.

During my Freshman year in High School I attended a youth retreat called Sought Out. Herb Marks was the leader. This man was in tune with the Holy Spirit. At one of the gatherings Herb pointed to me and asked what radio station I had tuned in on my radio at home. He asked about my music preferences in general. He also hit other points of my personal life that he couldn't possibly know about. This wasn't like a psychic adviser guy where they ask pretty general questions and I figured he had to be talking something specific. He hit everything right on the head.

I rededicated my life to Christ that night. A fire was lit under my butt that couldn't be anything else but God. I started talking to God like He was in the room sitting next to me. Like I would talk to anybody else. No I don't claim to audibly hear God's voice. But God became incredibly real. My life was changed forever.

Don't get me wrong. I wasn't instantly transformed into the model of perfection that sits before you now. (I'm kidding. I'm not even close to perfect.) I had some things in perspective but other things were still out of balance. But one thing was clear. I no longer wanted to be a rock star.

I was going to be a Christian Rock Star!

Life's Eras & The Passing of Time: The Middle Years

2006-03-07T13:31:00.000-07:00

The city was a big place. The two-wheeled mode of transportation evolved into a model with different speeds. We also discovered the City Bus that would take us to the lake, or the mall. The mall was a big place too. If we were lucky, one of the older kids who had a driver's license would take us to where we wanted to go.

But of course we were not allowed to be seen in any other vicinity the older kids were in.

This was a time of self discovery. An awareness of growth in the mental and physical capabilities became evident. Chess was no longer just a game but rather a war of cunning strategy. A push that used to just close the car door now slams it. I could look my mother straight into her eyes rather than up at her.

Twinkies mysteriously transformed from a meal to a 2 ½ bite morsel.

Football was the sport of kings. On the field I was a star. Fearless. An athlete. I was transformed from a pudgy kid who couldn't run very fast into an agile bulk that was a force not to be reckoned with. I was learning to think on my feet. Instinct became the norm. The football field was no longer just a rectangle on grass. Rather it was a battlefield where war was waged.

Competition was a part of my being. I needed and strove to excel. Not only in the world of football, but in the classroom as well. Being 2^nd best was ok, but #1 was the goal. I took whatever place I landed as long as I knew I tried my best. I didn't celebrate mediocrity. Mediocrity was something that wasn't accepted.

During my 7^th grade year I discovered music. Heavy Metal was my preferred style. It was aggressive and passionate at the same time. The sound of an electric guitar brought goosebumps to my skin. A new dream was born. I wanted to be a rock star!

I wanted to write songs. Not just any song, but powerful ones. I desired to create music that would drive people into a frenzy just as I had been driven. Dreams of sounds that would be like a punch to the face or melodies that would move people to an out of body experience filled my mind.

The only problem was that I didn't know how to play the guitar. Nor did our family have the money to purchase one. So I took up the air guitar.

And man was I good!

Life's Eras & The Passing of Time - The Elementary Years:

2006-02-28T23:21:00.000-07:00

The neighborhood was a very big place. I had two wheeled transportation that allowed this new world to be explored. Venturing to an unknown block or street was like exploring the ocean depths with Jacques Cousteau. New house styles. New dogs. New cars. And people I've never seen before.

Time was now governed by a clock. But in most cases I didn't mind. It was another step toward independence. Unfortunately time was painstakingly slow. A wait of 15 minutes might as well have been a week. Waiting for school to get out was pure torture.

It was during this period where I began to wait anxiously for events. The last week before Christmas always took forever. Birthdays came at their own snail's pace too. And if something really special was coming up, like a sleepover, or a trip to parts unknown, waiting for that day to arrive made my skin peel.

The Elementary Years allowed the eyes to open to the world a little more. I became aware of Presidents and sports teams. Being in the education process meant that world awareness started coming into focus. The plight of the less fortunate, though not fully understood became known.

The realization that not everyone was like me or my family was kind of a shock. We moved from Washington to California a few times which opened me up to how different people are from each other even in the same country. Kids played similar games, but with different rules. The slang was even different.

Being young and innocent meant that perspectives and understandings of events and changes were skewed. And this skewing was carried into adulthood. Moving a lot as a child meant that relationships with “best friends” could be lost. I learned that if I moved away, or if somebody else moved away, I probably would never see my friends again.

Unfortunately it has taken some time for me to understand that this doesn't necessarily have to be true. You can keep in touch and maintain friendships over a vast expanse of space. There are some people out there that I wonder how they turned out. But since I'd never tried to keep track of them, I have no idea how to look them up.

I hope they are doing well.

Life's Eras & The Passing of Time - The Pre School Years:

2006-02-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

The yard was a very big place. It was also very flexible with the capability to change with my mind. One day I'd awake to find the yard turned into a distant planet in an unknown galaxy. And we were marooned! The next day it was a dingy, dirty Old West town. Full of gunslingers, sheriffs, and banks to be robbed or protected.

Then there was the woods behind the yard. A vast jungle of mystery. Dad built us a tree house back there. Being a man of construction, this wasn't just a any old tree house It was like a little real house. Pitched roof and everything. Sometimes it was just a tree house Other times it was a bunker protecting soldiers during war.

(Though an attacking soldier may have taken a stick to his eye by the enemy thus ending the war for good.)

During this era, time was virtually non-existent. At least it wasn't driven by a clock. Time was determined by the day's events. Like Morning Time. Or Summer Time. There was Breakfast Time, Spring Time, Lunch Time, Dinner Time, Bath Time, Christmas Time and the dreaded Bed Time. Of course all spaces in between were Play Time.

Not being bound to a clock meant that I never really knew when Dad would be home from work. So each day when the car pulled into the driveway with Dad at the wheel, it was like a surprise. “Dad's home!” I'd yell and run to greet him or yell and wave from the moment's current busy-ness.

World events passed by without us even knowing it. Watergate wasn't a word. Rockets raced to the moon, but even watching one launch on television didn't bring home the vastness of the event. I didn't even know the project was called Apollo or that Grandpa even worked on one of those rockets.

Money wasn't an issue. If I happened to get a quarter, or a whole dollar, it meant a huge bag of candy from the little store down the street. I didn't know what a bill was or that they needed to be paid. I knew that dad had to go to work every day, but didn't understand it was to earn money to pay for living expenses.

Every day was Play Day. Each day was brand new. And each new day held it's very own magic. Never to be repeated again.

Life's Eras & The Passing of Time - Prologue

2006-02-23T22:15:00.000-07:00

As birthday #37 has come and gone I'm forced to take a quick glance backward. I gaze toward different eras of my life. The eras are: Pre School, Elementary School, Middle School, High School, Young Adult, and nearly 20 years as a Young Adult.

I bypassed the College Years because I was tired of school and 4 more years just didn't sound appealing in the least bit. Now at age 37, I'm rethinking my decision about college. I've decided it was a dumb move not to have gone. But dreams of rock stardom shone in the naïve eyes of the ignorant.

We'll start this saga with The Pre School Years.

Next On The Duh Factor...

2006-02-18T23:52:00.000-07:00

Coming up over the next several posts I decided to try something. It's a multi segment piece called:

Life's Eras & The Passing of Time

These will start very soon.

We'll see what happens.

Ha HA!

2006-02-16T16:39:00.000-07:00

Click to veiw larger version.

Changes With Time

2006-02-15T08:29:00.000-07:00

As I get older I've noticed some changes. Things I'd never had to deal with are all of a sudden things I have to deal with. One of these annoyances is acid reflux. I don't get it often or just out of the blue. Rather if the pieces fall just right, I'll get it.

And it doesn't happen during the day. It happens at night. And it only happens at night if I eat a late meal. Like if I eat dinner less than 4 hours before I go to bed. If I don't have about 4 hours between meal and bedtime, chances are extremely high that I'll wake up to that choking, gagging burning in the back of the throat. The one that rudely awakens you from a dead sleep and doesn't really go away until morning. That's usually how it works.

But the other night was different.

I had a late dinner, around 8:00-8:30pm. I went to bed around 11:30 or midnight. At 2:27 acid reflux attacked! But this time it bypassed the back of my throat and went for my sinus cavity. It was like being punched in the nose from the inside out. Ever have a carbonated nasal burp? This is worse. Talk about an instant runny nose.

If there is a Scale of Rude Awakenings, this hits the top 90%.

I was peacefully sleeping. Dead to the world. The WHAM! Instant burning, dripping, messy, wake you from a dead sleep medicine. It was like I had a nose attack. And of course I have to get out of bed and high-tail it to the bathroom trying to keep my mess contained until I get tissue.

I think a bedside tissue box is in order.

Tae-Bo and Other Bad Habits

2006-02-08T16:45:00.000-07:00

Why is it that good habits are just as hard to start as bad habits are to break? I've tried to quit smoking many times. I'm now working on my 4th month of no little sticks. God has had a hand in this time 'round. But it's still taken many tries.

And it ain't over yet. I have many more days to face.

Likewise, I'm working on a workout schedule. I'm on day 4. My mind is already trying to lie to the rest of me of why I don't need to Tae-Bo after work. But Tae-Bo I must! And I will!

For those who don't know me (or haven't seen me in many moons) my once overstuffed self is very overstuffed. Puff covered steel I like to call it. But it's really more puff than steel.

And the puff has got to go!

Thus the Billy Blank's Tae-Bo tape I bought 6 years ago is getting use. AGAIN. We'll see how long I can persevere this time. Since I have a newer outlook on things, I think this time 'round will render some decent results. I doubt I'll ever be the ripped 18 year old again (like I have EVER been ripped before) but I can shed some of this extra poundage and get on with my life.

We'll see how it goes, eh? I may or may not keep you posted on my progress.

So there.

Seattle - 10 / Pittsburg - 21

2006-02-05T20:16:00.000-07:00

I don't want to talk about it.

Bringin' Out the Big Guns

2006-02-03T14:09:00.000-07:00

She got the big guns
Pointed at my heart
Bang bang shooting like a firing squad
Big guns
Blew me away
And I went down in flames*
*from the song "Big Guns" by Skid Row

Well that's the whole point isn't it?

To go down in flames? Well, not I but the enemy trying to get through me. He can go down in flames. At least that's the thought of the security team for a nuclear lab in California. And they're arming themselves to the teeth!

The lab is setting up an undisclosed number of Dillon Aero M134D Gattling guns. (pictured above). This fine piece of machinery can unload a barrage of bullets at a rate of 5o rounds per second. That's a lot of lead!

I call this weapon the Anti-Terrorist. One would have to Grade-A Loopy to attack a compound armed with these things. Which is really the whole jist of setting them up. Come on. Do you feel lucky, punk?

I think the best summary of putting up firepower of this magnitude was said by Linto Brooks, head of the National Nuclear Security Administration:

"What we want to do is equip our protective force with the capability that will leave no doubt about the outcome."

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

TGIF & Obliterated Nonsense from Oxygen Depravity

2006-01-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

With a Cheshire smile and a Dilbert stare
How can one wander without a care?
As the wind comes from where it blows
Does the I.Q. drip from the nose?

Like a sock with a big toe hole
Is a square peg stuffed in a round soul
Or belt loops on pants too tight
The overhang isn't hidden from sight

The phone keeps making that dreadful ring
A nice "How may I help you?" while my mind just screams
A bottle of warm water or a toothpick wound
5 o'clock shadow can't come too soon

Smiley faces don't make anything better
Well, ok they do, but I hate itchy sweaters
Email keeps filling the inbox of death
Mostly spam of botox and things for bad breath

I'm not sure where this is headed
You've made it this far is your brain deaded?
Mine has atrophied but you really can't tell
So there's space for rent in my cranial shell

Thank God it's Friday the weekend is near
The days are wide open no plans that are clear
So off I go back to my chores as assigned
Can't be king of the world when you're Slave to the Grind*

*line from Skid Row's song Slave to the Grind

22 Years Later: A Franchise First

2006-01-22T22:43:00.000-07:00

The year was 1984. I was in the 8th grade. The Seattle Seahawks had made it to the playoffs. They not only made the playoffs, but they were playing against the Raiders for the NFC Championship. Being from Western Washington, and football players, my cronies and I were very excited.

But the 'Hawks lost to the Raiders. They lost the NFC Championship. They lost the shot at that year's Superbowl. And they never made it that far again.

Until this year.

Not only have the 'Hawks earned their spot in the playoffs by having an exceptional season, they made it to the NFC Championship. As I started watching this game against the Carolina Panthers. I had a borderline feeling of terror and excitement. I could only wonder if they were going to do it.

Then, early in the 1st quarter, a touchdown was scored by the Seattle Seahawks. Followed by a field goal. Then 2 more touchdowns. Then Carolina scored. Carolina looked as though they were going to rally against the 'Hawks, but they just fell apart. By the time we got to midway through the 4th quarter the game was pretty much over.

The 'Hawks STOMPED the Panthers and are heading to the Superbowl!

I witnessed history today, my friends. A day I've hoped for since I was but a boy. A day the Seattle Seahawks would go to the Superbowl.

And that day has arrived. Jan. 22, 2006: Seattle Seahawks, 2005-2006 NFC Champions

Now it's on to Detroit: Hawk City!

A Truce?

2006-01-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

What is bin Laden thinking? Oh yeah. I forgot who I was dealing with. The extremists in the Middle East are quite entertaining. They are the Sultans of Spin Doctoring. And bin Lyin' is no exception. Saying we don't wish to fight Muslims on Muslim land is just plain ignorant.

We'll fight anybody who attacks us, on any land, you moron!

Then he goes on to offer a "long term truce". Why? I thought you bad boys were going to destroy the U.S. It is your goal isn't it? Ninety-nine percent of truces are offered by the side that is getting its butt smooshed into oblivion. Something wrong, bin Shakin'? Why are you offering a truce?

Out of one side of his mouth bin Hidin' says they are preparing attacks on the United States. These attacks are supposed to cause "horror" in America. All the while the other side of his mouth is offering a long term truce. Exactly what kind of time frame is "long term"? Certainly not forever. My guess is it would be just long enough for the terrorists to regroup and build some numbers back up.

Personally I'm getting tired of all the Terrorist Trash Talk. We're preparing to attack you! Beware! It's coming soon! I'm rattling my saber! You will be in horror! Well come on you twit! Put your money where your mouth is. Put up or shut up.

I think al Qaeda is suffering from Small Man Syndrome.

I find it interesting that bin Scared offers a truce just a couple of short days after a CIA attack on a terrorist dinner party. Especially interesting is that bin Chicken's deputy, Ayman al-Zawahiri, was the main target of that attack.

Coincidence or conspiracy?

I see your mouth movin' dude. But all I hear is blah, blah, blaaaah, blah.

Costco

2006-01-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

I hate Costco. Why, you ask? Because people lose their minds at Costco. They drive their carts down the center of the aisles. They stop their carts in the center of the aisles. They just can't make up their minds as to which 10-pack of Starkist Tuna really is the better deal.

Besides, if I'm gonna fork over that much dough and stand in line that long, I'm going to Disneyland.

My contention with Costco goes back about 16 years to a time an place and place I'd much rather forget. I'll sum it up with this. If it had to be purchased, it had to be purchased at Costco. And it seems that Costco visits could only be done during the busiest times of the day or week. Many times I've driven into a Costco parking lot only to drive right back out.

One such Costco excursion ended with a year in Anger Management.

So when my wife told me we needed to go to Costco, I cringed. I whimpered. I whined. I dug my heals into the carpet and finally, off to Costco we went. And I was pleasantly surprised!

Costco in our little town is nothing like Costco in Kirkland, WA. Or Lynnwood, WA. Or Everett, WA. I mean it looked like Costco. Acted like Costco. Smelled like Costco. It was Costco. But there was room to move! We could breathe! Nobody stopped their cart directly in front of me!

I had a good Costco experience! We didn't even have to wait but a few minutes in line. I was so excited, and hungry, that after we paid the Disneyland Admission Fee, we stopped at the Cafe picked up one of them thar yummy 1/4 pound Polish Dogs for $1.50 and some chocolate/vanilla swirl Kirkland Brand frozen yogurt.

I just might have to do Costco again soon.

Mousey Revenge

2006-01-10T08:52:00.000-07:00

An 81 year old man caught a mouse in his house. So what did he do? The same thing any self-respecting human being would do. He took it outside and threw it into a pile of burning leaves. Being burned to death is humane, right?

Let us stop right there. Why would anybody throw a living creature into a fire? I don't care if it would be over in a few minutes. The thought of burning alive makes my skin crawl. Makes me glad I know where I going when I cross to the other side.

So this guy tosses the mouse into the burning pile of leaves. Thinking he's rid himself of the mouse he goes back to whatever it was he was doing. Now the mouse had other plans. Doing what any self-respecting creature that was tossed into a fire would do, that mouse boogied right out of that fire. And he went right back into that guy's house.

This is where it gets interesting. You see, Mr. Mouse was on fire when he ran into Mr. Man's house. Being that he was on fire, he caught the drapes on fire too. The drapes quickly spread and caught the rest of the house on fire. Needless to say, the home and everything in it was destroyed.

So Mr. Mouse had the last laugh.

Do you have a mouse problem? Then I'd recommend a cat.

Check Out This Rock

2006-01-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

Check out the website for the story of this rock.

It's great!

http://www.fullnet.net/devotionals/therock.html

Clearing Out the Nest

2006-01-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

Today I informed my son that my wife and I decided that it's time for him to grow up. So when he came home this afternoon he needed to pack his things and get his own apartment.

He laughed at me and said, "Yeah, right!"

What could I say to that? As much as I hate to admit it, I was speechless. I couldn't argue my case. So I just stood there with my face hanging out. Why?

He's 12.

Spam, Viruses, and Junk, oh my!

2005-12-30T16:35:00.000-07:00

Being a user of email, and being an email user who, like most email users, have several email accounts, I get by far more than my fair share of spam, viruses and just plain junk. One would think that if they were going to be a Spammer or Virus Spreader, that they would take some things into account:

Sending an email to somebody in a country that speaks English, use proper English. Subjects like: i've_a_new_email_address are huge red flags.
Nobody EVER asks for usernames and/or passwords.
I didn't use my work email address to sign up for Ebay.
I don't care how funny the mail says it is, I don't, and won't, ever open attachments from senders I don't know. Especially when the extension on the attachment is .exe or .scr.
I'm quite happy with what God gave me and have no desire to make ANY of it larger.
Email from senders with mostly numbers and/or just a bunch of letters @ anything.com gets the boot.
I rarely send myself email and when I do I remember doing it. So if I receive an email from myself with a subject line I don't recall writing, do you think I'm going to read it?
If the subject line reads like I'm talking to the waiter at my favorite Chinese restaurant the email gets bounced. As much as I like the waiter at my favorite Chinese restaurant, he and I don't converse via email.
There's a relatively small group of people that I exchange emails with. So if I receive an email that says it's responding to the email I sent and it's from an address that I don't recognize as being part of my email clique, it's history. So if I really do know you and you are sending me an email for the first time from a new email address, it had better say something like, "Hey Derek, it's me Brian from Mrs. Harcourt's Class in the 7th Grade". That way I'll respond. By the way, I never had a Mrs. Harcourt in 7th Grade.
If a company is using Yahoo, Gmail, Hotmail, MySpace, or any other free email service as their main contact email, I don't do business with them. I especially haven't registered for anything therefore have no need to click on your Registrations Confirmation link.

So there are 10 things to consider before sending me your spam or viruses.

Happy New Year!

Outstanding Events!

2005-12-28T10:47:00.000-07:00

Occaisionally a day occurs that contains an outstanding event.

Today isn't one of those days.

It's just Wednesday. The last Wednesday of the year.

Nothing exciting except some Pediatricians are letting us know that most kids outgrow bed wetting.

Duh.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

Just a post to wish everybody a Merry Christmas. May your day be blessed and full of life and love.

May God bless your upcoming year.

God is sooooo good!

Thank you, Lord for sending us your Son who took our sins upon Himself that we may spend all eternity in your presence. For those who don't know you, pour out your love and spirit upon them that they may come to you and know the peace that I know.

In your Holy Name I pray.

Amen

Vacuum Cleaner Wars

2005-12-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

In a battle that has lasted approximately 5 years, there have been a numerous number of vacuum cleaners that have crossed the threshold of our place of residence. Each one boasting it's resume of greatness as to why it is the best one for the job. And each one falling quite short of the company's proclamations of greatness. Either they didn't clean, didn't last, or they just made lots of noise.

Well the time came for a new vacuum. Again. And again we agonized over which one to buy. Obviously if we could afford it we'd buy one of those big Kirby jobbers that not only get all the dirt out of your carpets but can suck the germs out of the basement through the upstairs floor. But alas we can't afford a vacuum such as thus.

So we decided that we would go with a vacuum that at least had a name we could trust and a price we could afford. We found a Bissell. This Bissell was on sale for about $60 at Wal-Mart. It's a bagless model. Numerous filters that keep the dust inside the machine. Cool attachments and a dual edge cleaning system.

Purdy dang howl nifty fine piece of doo-dadery if you ask me.

Well, I brought that machine home and my wife put it to work. The results were astonishing. Not only did this machine clean the carpet, but it picked up all the other junk all of our previous machines couldn't. One room yielded 2 canisters of filth from the rug. We were excited and grossed out at the same time.

In a grueling 5 year war against carpet grossness, we have finally come out the victor!

A Child's Prayer and God's Sense of Humor

2005-12-12T13:31:00.000-07:00

Due to schedule conflicts and a haircut, my boy was up a bit past his bed time. When he finally laid him down to sleep, he said his prayers like any other night. One thing he asked God was to let him get a good night's sleep. To let him feel like he got 12 hours of sleep.

My wife woke me up this morning asking me why I wasn't at work and our son wasn't at school. "Is today Monday?" I asked. She said yes and I looked at the clock. It was 9:30. 3 hours from the time it usually goes off. It either didn't go off or I slept right through the alarm.

So I was late for work, and our son was late for school. And when my wife told me what our boy had prayed, we laughed.

He got 12 hours of sleep.

Europe, Thy Name is Cowardice

2005-12-10T15:31:00.000-07:00

Copied without permission from: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1327693/posts

ONE GERMAN WHO GETS IT

Matthias Dapfner, Chief Executive of the huge German publisher Axel Springer AG, has written a blistering attack in DIE WELT, Germany's largest daily newspaper, against the timid reaction of Europe in the face of the Islamic threat.

EUROPE - THY NAME IS COWARDICE (Commentary by Mathias Dapfner CEO, Axel Springer, AG)

A few days ago Henry Broder wrote in Welt am Sonntag, "Europe - your family name is appeasement." It's a phrase you can't get out of your head because it's so terribly true.

Appeasement cost millions of Jews and non-Jews their lives as England and France, allies at the time, negotiated and hesitated too long before they noticed that Hitler had to be fought, not bound to toothless agreements.

Appeasement legitimized and stabilized Communism in the Soviet Union, then East Germany, then all the rest of Eastern Europe where for decades, inhuman, suppressive, murderous governments were glorified as the ideologically correct alternative to all other possibilities.

Appeasement crippled Europe when genocide ran rampant in Kosovo, and even though we had absolute proof of ongoing mass-murder, we Europeans debated and debated and debated, and were still debating when finally the Americans had to come from halfway around the world, into Europe yet again, and do our work for us.

Rather than protecting democracy in the Middle East, European appeasement, camouflaged behind the fuzzy word "equidistance," now countenances suicide bombings in Israel by fundamentalist Palestinians.

Appeasement generates a mentality that allows Europe to ignore nearly 500,000 victims of Saddam's torture and murder machinery and, motivated by the self-righteousness of the peace-movement, has the gall to issue bad grades to George Bush... even as it is uncovered that the loudest critics of the American action in Iraq made illicit billions, no, TENS of billions, in the corrupt U.N. Oil-for-Food program.

And now we are faced with a particularly grotesque form of appeasement... How is Germany reacting to the escalating violence by Islamic fundamentalists in Holland and elsewhere? By suggesting that we really should have a "Muslim Holiday" in Germany.

I wish I were joking, but I am not. A substantial fraction of our (German) Government, and if the polls are to be believed, the German people, actually believe that creating an Official State "Muslim Holiday" will somehow spare us from the wrath of the fanatical Islamists.

One cannot help but recall Britain's Neville Chamberlain waving the laughable treaty signed by Adolf Hitler, and declaring European "Peace in our time".

What else has to happen before the European public and its political leadership get it? There is a sort of crusade underway, an especially perfidious crusade consisting of systematic attacks by fanatic Muslims, focused on civilians, directed against our free, open Western societies, and intent upon Western Civilization's utter destruction.

It is a conflict that will most likely last longer than any of the great military conflicts of the last century - a conflict conducted by an enemy that cannot be tamed by "tolerance" and "accommodation" but is actually spurred on by such gestures, which have proven to be, and will always be taken by the Islamists for signs of weakness.

Only two recent American Presidents had the courage needed for anti-appeasement: Reagan and Bush.

His American critics may quibble over the details, but we Europeans know the truth. We saw it first hand: Ronald Reagan ended the Cold War, freeing half of the German people from nearly 50 years of terror and virtual slavery.

And Bush, supported only by the Social Democrat Blair, acting on moral conviction, recognized the danger in the Islamic War against democracy. His place in history will have to be evaluated after a number of years have passed.

In the meantime, Europe sits back with charismatic self-confidence in the multicultural corner, instead of defending liberal society's values and being an attractive center of power on the same playing field as the true great powers, America and China.

On the contrary - we Europeans present ourselves, in contrast to those "arrogant Americans", as the World Champions of "tolerance", which even (Germany's Interior Minister) Otto Schily justifiably criticizes. Why? Because we're so moral? I fear it's more because we're so materialistic, so devoid of a moral compass.

For his policies, Bush risks the fall of the dollar, huge amounts of additional national debt, and a massive and persistent burden on the American economy - because unlike almost all of Europe, Bush realizes what is at stake - literally everything.

While we criticize the "capitalistic robber barons" of America because they seem too sure of their priorities, we timidly defend our Social Welfare systems. Stay out of it! It could get expensive! We'd rather discuss reducing our 35-hour workweek or our dental coverage, or our 4 weeks of paid vacation... Or listen to TV pastors preach about the need to "reach out to terrorists. To understand and forgive".

These days, Europe reminds me of an old woman who, with shaking hands, frantically hides her last pieces of jewelry when she notices a robber breaking into a neighbor's house.

Appeasement? Europe, thy name is Cowardice.

Christmas Commercialization

2005-12-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

One thing I hear every year is complaints about how Christmas is so overly commercialized. Of how people are tired of feeling obligated to buy and spend lots of money during the Christmas Season. Of how stores are wondering how they are going to fare this season.

If you are so tired of Christmas being about spending and making money and buying impressive gifts, quit buying. It's that simple. Don't buy any more gifts. Hand make something. Write something. Paint something. Give something from the self rather than the shelf. Oh you may still have to buy some materials but you won't be paying the huge markups on the latest whatever-it-is-this-year thing.

But more than likely people would rather not make the time to do something like I've mentioned. It's easier to get that prefabricated doo-hickey from a store. So instead of doing anything most people will go shopping and complain about Christmas being over commercialized.

Do you wish to end the Commercialization of Christmas? Quit buying into it.

Christmas Music

2005-11-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

Tape deck plays those songs so jolly
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
But they're not tunes like at the mall-y
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
With guitars these songs are driven
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Bass and drum support is given
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Satriani, Vai, Sambora
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Fingers flailing, notes a-flyin'
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Bells go jingle with Setzer, Brian
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

So rock the halls with music jammin'
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
There's lots to choose and some is slammin'
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Sing along loud as loud as you please
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Bang yer head like it's the '80's
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

A Very Sad Sight To See

2005-11-26T02:19:00.001-07:00

Last night I was flipping channels when I came up on Metallica: Some Kind of Monster on MTV2. Being a metal head I had to watch. After it was over there was a show called Icon which was featuring Metallica. So I had to watch that too.

Icon is a tribute show. You have a group or artist in the spotlight and other performers pay tribute to their work by playing a song by the guests of honor. So they had Sum 41, Avril Lavigne, Limp Bizkit, Korn and a few others play their versions of Metallica tunes. For the most part everyone did a pretty good job.

But then came Snoop Dogg. First off all, why is a rapper doing a Metallica tune? Second of all, why did Snoop choose Sad But True to butcher? Sad But True is one of my all times favorite tunes. It's heavy, has groove, gets your adrenaline pumpin. A most excellent tune in my book.

But Snoop Dogg sang it. And it was awful. Why? Because the reason Snoop raps is because he can't sing. And he sure can't sing with any power or feeling. I was embarrassed for him. He would have been kicked off American Idol so stinkin' fast we all would have felt the whoosh of the wind.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go wash my ears out with soap.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone has a wonderful day. We are celebrating on Saturday, but that Ok. Why? Because I'm thankful more than one day a year. You see, the Lord above has provided so many blessings just in this past year alone that it makes it impossible to wait until Thanksgiving to be thankful.

He's provided finances that keeps my family afloat. I'm not talking about riches abounding, but just what we need when we need it. There have been times when it seemed that money literally fell out of the sky. Like a check for $1500 showing up in the mail. That was the big one. There have been a few smaller ones too.

He gave us a car. It's nothing fancy or sporty. In fact, it's kind of the stripped down model. But it's a cute little car that is exactly what we need. My family fits in it and it gets GREAT gas mileage. Thanks, God!

There's much more. All the things we take for granted. We're healthy. There's always food on the table. The job that opened up 2 years ago that saved me from a winter of hard labor and continues to bless us twice a month. Computer upgrades that allowed my boy and I to continue playing our favorite online game.

I have a beautiful wife who I still refer to as my lovely bride. She's the best!

God is good! I'm thankful that He loves me enough to forgive me of my mistakes. He's forgiven my rebellion. And He's teaching me to forgive as He does.

I'm thankful that God hasn't squished me like a worm.

Cause He surely knows at times I certainly deserved it.

Smoldering Faces

2005-11-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

They are everywhere. On the street corner, in cars, at the park and in millions of homes across the nation. Smoldering faces. Lips clinging to that little, white, cylindrical paper container. Inside it you'll find carbon monoxide, tar, and other carcinogens. And flowing from the end is a cute little tell tale trail of light blue smoke curling upwards into the air.

From a distance one could easily surmise that a smoker's face is smoldering. There really isn't a flame. Just an ember that slowly consumes the stick all on its own. Or with the assistance of a little drag of air on the non-burning end. Then there's that cloud of blue haze that just hangs in a room.

Why am I writing about smoking? Because the 90's was a rough decade for me. I'm not sure why I joined the group of Smoldering Faces in my mid-20's. You're supposed to start that in your teens. It may have been my rebellion. I know, a mid-20's rebellion against what? My parents? I hardly think so. Sorry. I guess I'm just a late bloomer.

Whatever the reason, I started late in life. And I married a woman who's face smoldered too. One cool thing is we smoked the same brand! Don't get me wrong. Our relationship is much deeper than a connection of faces that smolder. But our smoking was one thing we shared. Whenever we'd take a smoke break we'd sit, talk and really connect. But I digress.

One night, not too long ago, I lay me down to sleep. I kept feeling like I was going to choke. Like there was a phlegm ball just sitting in the edge of my wind pipe ready to snuff me out. No matter what I did I couldn't get it to go away. This wasn't the first time I've had that feeling. I've had it several times since I became a Smoldering Face.

Now I've tried to quit on several occasions. But I always went back. Like a dog to it's vomit, right? I had even quit for about a month or so. I had been thinking about quitting for some time again. Not really sure if I wanted to or not. But now I was sure. I was tired of spending the money. I was tired of the control it had on me. I was tired of the way it made me feel.

I sat up in bed, rather I got into a kneeling position, and said, “God, I'm tired of this. I'm ready to quit smoking. But I need your help!”

That was almost a month ago. There have been a few times where I've reached for a cigarette out of habit. Or I've wanted one because it's what I did at that time of the day. Like my morning coffee and cigarette routine. But in all reality, I haven't wanted one because my body was crying out for it's nicotine fix.

And I haven't been that grumpy! Usually after about 3 days or so I become quite the pill.

I honestly believe God has freed me from my burden. It's been a month and I don't plan on smoking another cigarette for the rest of my life. I smell things better. Food has more flavor. (though I could live without the flavor of Listerine) And I'm not chained to a lighter and a pack of cancer sticks.

And my face doesn't smolder any more.

Thanks, God!

Another Dose of Reality

2005-11-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

Once again People named its "sexiest man alive".

Once again they forgot me.

Shot From the Lip

2005-11-12T19:46:00.000-07:00

Tonight my wife told me she wasn't feeling well. Her throat was sore and she generally felt like doo-doo. My response:

Suck it up, Lumpy.

Fortunately I was responding to my boy and not her statement.

Talk about dodging a bullet.

Driver's Tan

2005-11-07T09:11:00.000-07:00

I used to drive for a metal roofing company in the Seattle area. During the summer week I would do everything I could to make sure that I didn't end up with a Driver's Tan. You know, the left arm is tan, the right arm is white deal you get when driving great lengths in the sun? I did pretty good too. I had a pretty even tan on both arms.

A friend of mine from church was also a driver. One Wednesday night he noticed that both my arms were tan while he had the Driver's Tan going on pretty strong. So he commented on it.

“Hey!” he exclaimed. “I drive for a living, and you drive for a living. How come you don't have a Driver's Tan?”

I just looked at him and flatly responded:

“I'm just a really good driver.”

Listerine

2005-11-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

I've seen ads for this product on TV since I can remember. Everything from how bad it tastes to the boxing bottle to the less intense, better tasting stuff. After 30+ years of being bombarded by marketing voodoo, I still had no desire to try the stuff.

Until last week.

You see, I've crossed one of those lines again. Everything is going just dandy until one day you get out of bed and something in your body isn't the same as it used to be. The line I've crossed is gum disease. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a sufferer of icky mouth, dragon breath (maybe in the morning) tongue rot, or palette mold. Just a receding gum line.

Now my lovely bride of 5 years tells me her mom has/had the same thing. She started using Listerine and it stopped the receding in its tracks. Thus the reason for my sudden interest in trying a product whose makers have been brainwashing me since birth for this very moment.

So last night I went to the store for the normal staples, chocolate ice cream, soda, coffee creamer and while I was there, Listerine. As soon as I found the stuff I was faced with a dilemma. Which one is right for me? Is there a chart? Trial and error? If it doesn't kill you it's ok? You've got the brownish, orange, blue, and green.

I grabbed the blue.

Before bed, I brushed my teeth and read the label on my newly acquired product. 30 seconds of 4 teaspoons swished but not swallowed. I can handle that. I didn't particularly care for the poison warning but I did the swish anyway. Of course I didn't have a teaspoon or measuring cup handy so I just took a little swig and started swishing.

Thats when the burn hit. My gums and tongue were on fire. Of course the normal questions arise such as: Is this normal? If it burns it works? If I spit will my teeth, gums and tongue be lost down the drain? Is the burn indicative of a larger problem? Do I really have palette mold?

After about 20 seconds I had to expel the foul burn from my mouth. Then the aftertaste set in. It was quite an odd taste. I had to smack my lips a few times to make sure my taste buds weren't playing tricks on me. The aftertaste had a foul, yet familiar flavor. Then it hit me!

You know that smell that a tire shop like Les Schwab has? That's what I was tasting. I might as well had been sucking on a piece of brand new vulcanized rubber. Fortunately it died down to a more tolerable level fairly quickly. But it did linger until I went to bed. And my coffee tasted funny today.

This morning's swish wasn't so brutal. Hopefully tonight's will be less than this morning's.

Though that new tire taste has got to go.

Iran Vs. Israel

2005-10-28T10:20:00.000-06:00

Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a bold man. Yesterday he said that Israel "must be wiped out from the map of the world." Israel "must be", huh? And how do you suppose this should be done Mr. Ignoranian President? Are you going to do it?

One would have to be completely sick in the head, or had a lobotomy to declare such an extremist statement on "God's chosen people." If Israel was so easily disposed of, they wouldn't exist today. Many a country has tried to take Israel out only to be thwarted by "strange" circumstances. Well, strange from a human point of view but perfectly viable from a spiritual one.

Remember the first Gulf War? Iraq launched some missiles at Israel. We detected the launch. We detected the missiles were bigger than scuds. We detected that they were heading to Israel. Then, all of a sudden, we detected that these missiles weren't detectable any more. Reports from pilots in the air at that time say they had a visual on the missiles. Then a white light came up from behind and engulfed them. The missiles were no more.

God or conspiracy?

Go ahead, Iran. Attack Israel. But let me make some popcorn first because this will be quite a show!

Fog

2005-10-26T14:39:00.000-06:00

The last couple of days have been insanely foggy. It's like we've become the pea soup disposal area for the world. From what I understand there aren't any flights landing at the airport. It's like there's this evil depression hanging over us all the time.

And it's wet.

Thick, wet fog just loitering about like a damp blanket draped across your shoulders. Kinda makes ya chilly. And clammy. You ever feel clammy? I'm not sure what clams themselves feel, but it's clammy outside around here.

Which leads to the question: Does a clam ever feel clammy? And is a clam's definition of clammy different from ours? One would think that to a clam feeling clammy would be a good thing. How's it goin', Phil? Just clammy!

If a Smurf feels smurfy, then clams must feel clammy.

That is until they are dug up, steamed to death and drowned in butter. Then they become yummy. But I digress.

It sure has been foggy the last couple of days.

It's Egg Nog Season!

2005-10-24T02:26:00.001-06:00

I ran to the store last night with the intent of replenishing that ever decreasing supply of coffee creamer. I also was going to pick up a few other staples such as soda and ice cream. But I digress.

As I entered the store I noticed a refrigerated display of cartons. Little quart sized cartons. They were black and had orange pumpkins on them. It is almost Halloween ya know. Near the top of the cartons, in bold white letters, my eyes beheld a beautiful sight:

EGG NOG

I love egg nog. Which is one reason why I love the holiday season. It's during this time that the egg nog comes out of hiding for the consumption by festive masses everywhere. We have approximately 2 months of a steady supply. So basically every trip to the store will result in a quart of egg nog being invited to spend some time in my home.

Fortunately for me, I'm the only one in my family that likes egg nog. Therefore I get the whole quart to myself. Selfish, I know, but thems the breaks. Being the sole egg nog ingester in my household also means that I can drink the thick, almost shake-like concoction straight out of the carton!

I've never really considered Halloween a part of egg nog season, but hey, I ain't gonna argue. All that meas is I get to celebrate egg nog earlier in the year. Hopefully next year Labor Day will be the day egg nog makes its annual appearance.

So Happy Halloween, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Tis the season of egg nog!

Living With Myself

2005-10-22T10:48:00.000-06:00

This morning I woke up to discover I wasn't home. I didn't even have the courtesy of leaving myself a note. It's safe to say I was quite angry with myself. Such an act is selfish and rude. Soon I came home so I confronted myself for being so inconsiderate. Of course, wanting peace in the household, I quickly apologize and reassured myself that it wouldn't happen again. Next time I would leave myself a note. I accepted my apology and poured myself a cup of coffee.

But one thing was still bothering me.

Since I was out and about so early, when I returned I could have at least picked up some doughnuts.

Spain Seeks Arrest of 3 U.S. Soldiers

2005-10-19T14:40:00.000-06:00

I just read this headline on CNN.

Why is Spain seeking these 3 soldiers?

For firing upon a hotel that they say contained enemy soldiers firing on them. This exchange of fire left a couple of reporters, who were filming worn-torn Baghdad, dead. Spain says these 3 U.S. Soldiers targeted the reporters on purpose.

Give me a freakin' break!

If you are going to go film a war, be prepared to be shot, burned, cut, bruised, maimed, disfigured, dismembered, incinerated, blown to smithereens or just out right killed. Filming a war is like playing on the dotted lines on the freeway. Play at your own risk.

Sometimes I wonder if stupidity is actually a disease...

A Very Nice Service

2005-10-18T13:42:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, after work, I ran down to the hardware store and picked up a shovel. Why? Well, we had a hamster to bury. After looking at all the shovels and deciding that it wouldn't really matter which one I chose, I grabbed the one with the red handle. After all, red was Forrest's favorite color. I paid for my shovel and headed home.

At home my wife had made a final resting bed for Forrest. It was a cookie tin lined with pine chips. We rested Forrest's body in the center of the tin. He looked like he was sleeping. We closed the tin with a Christmas motif lid. We picked a good spot in the back yard and gathered 'round.

I dug the hole.

It was a small service. Just close family. The weather was unseasonably mild. Quite a balmy evening actually. We placed the tin into the ground. A few words were said. A few memories were remembered. Then the hole was filled.

May the grass in that place be forever green!

Remembrance For One Who Has Passed Away

2005-10-17T01:18:00.000-06:00

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved friend. He was cute, furry and full of life. He was a hamster. And a nice looking one at that.

When we brought him home from the pet store we pondered upon what to call him. He really enjoyed running on his wheel. He ran and ran and ran. Since he loved running so much we named Him Forrest. Forrest Plump.

We put a little bowl in his cage. Which he promptly used as a chair. He'd climb into his little bowl and wash his little self. Sometimes he'd just sit there. Thus earning the nickname, Lumpy the Bowl Sitter.

As you probably know hamsters have pouches inside their cheeks. They use these to transport food and other things around. Little Forrest could stuff his little face so plumb full his head looked like a flying saucer. And if you watched him do this he'd turn and look at you, face stuffed, as if to say, "What?"

Then one day I picked him up to say hi. When I did I noticed a lump by his belly near his right leg. We looked it up and it fell under the category of Hamster Cancer. We were sad. We wondered about euthanizing him and decided that as long as he appeared content, happy and not in any pain, we'd let him live his days.

Over the next week or so the lump grew to the size of a ping pong ball. On a hamster, this is quite large. He was having trouble getting around so we made accommodations that were easier on him. Then one day we noticed that the lump had burst, like a cyst. Forrest seemed to be taking care of it and was getting around much better. In fact, he seemed pretty much like his normal self.

Well, a couple of days ago we realized he was sleeping an awful lot more than normal. We also noticed that he hadn't eaten or had anything to drink. We drew the only conclusion that made sense: He was dying. Forrest's poor little body was shutting down.

Around 8pm, Sunday, October 16th, Forrest was pronounced dead. To say our household is sad is exactly right. We're all going to miss our little friend who brought his light into our lives. We're going to miss the squeak of the wheel. The little clicky noise made when he drank. The gnawing of the bars. The hamster ball he used to truck around the house in. The snapping of peanut shells. Boy how he loved his peanuts!

Even though the average lifespan of a hamster is about 2 years, we're still sorry this time has come. You are probably thinking, "It's just a hamster, get over it." We will. And he was our hamster, so let us be sad. Also let us be happy that he's no longer having to deal with the disease. Happy that he was a content little rodent with a great sense of humor.

Goodbye, Forrest. We will miss you, you little bowl sitter!

Friday, October 14th 2005

2005-10-14T09:37:00.000-06:00

So what's happening? Nothing. Just sitting here at work kinda bored. I haven't posted anything in a while so I figured I'd come in here and try and be clever and witty.

I'm failing big time.

I've got Extreme jammin in my iTunes - *singing* Mutha! Don't want to go to school today! My Dilbert Head is giving me its usual blank stare. The phone is kinda quiet today. It's only 10am and I'm so looking forward to 5:00.

I'm also looking forward to lunch which I take early on Fridays.

I need a nap too. I've been staying up too late reading email and watching Dog: The Bounty Hunter. Why do I do it? Cuz I'm thtupid thomymth. Actually I stay up too late most nights. I keep saying I'm going to get to bed earlier. And I usually am on Saturday. That is if you count 4am as early.

Ok. Enough excitement for one day.

Cheerios!

The Sniffling, Sneezing, Coughing, Aching, Extended Weekend Medicine

2005-10-05T16:11:00.000-06:00

Friday. Stardate: 9/30/05 Status: Feelin Icky.
Went to work anyway. Had to. We were already short handed.

Saturday. Stardate 10/1/05 Status: Feelin Ickier.
Slept lots. Accomplished very little if anything.

Sunday. Stardate 10/2/05 Status: Hit by truck in my sleep.
Slept late. Slept some more. Accomplished less than yesterday.

Monday. Stardate 10/3/05 Status: One of my lungs is laying around here somewhere.
I haven't showered in 3 days. I don't care either.

Tuesday. Stardate 10/4/05 Status: Still icky but on the mend.
I just might make it work tomorrow.

Wednesday. Stardate 10/5/05 Status: Well enough to go to work.
Dryer died last night. Clothes still very wet. Ran to the laundry mat to dry them. Still late for work.

Good thing I work for very understanding people.

You Know It's Going To Be A Long Day...

2005-09-27T08:29:00.000-06:00

When you start it out by putting your underwear on backwards.

Which leads me to the question of how one really puts their underwear on backwards. The front and back look entirely different. Not to mention the tell-tale label on the inside of the waistband, IN THE BACK. Not sure how I managed it, but I did.

Must mean I'm a super genius.

I must be really tired. I thought I slept good last night but I must not have. All I know is I stepped out of the shower and dried off. Grabbing my faithful boxers I thought I checked their orientation and put them on one leg at a time. Once they were on I was left standing there thinking:

That feels weird.

Pigmented Filaments VS The Creeper Wheel

2005-09-25T01:41:00.000-06:00

If you've read my post about the Perils of a 5 Minute Commute, then you know that I was involved in a car accident last Wednesday. I was rear ended so my pickup received some pretty good damage to the bumper and tail lights.

Well today, Saturday the 24th of September, I took my poor truck to the Back Yard Bodyworks and my buddy Merl and I went to work to see what we could undo.

The first thing we did was decide to remove the twisted remains of my bumper. So Merl, in his great wisdom, soaked the bolts with lubricant so they would be easier to break loose. After letting them soak for about 10 minutes Merl lay down on his creeper and after much huffing, puffing and a few choice words, got the driver's side bolts broken loose. He decided that I should do the passenger side.

Fortunately my side came loose easier than his. So I scooted on the creeper to the other side to remove the bolts. When I got them loose enough to use a ratchet I reached over for it. Only my head didn't turn very far before I realized my hair was being pulled.

Having longer hair, and not using a hair band, some of my hair got caught in creeper wheel. I scooched backward only to find my hair pulling tighter. Scooching forward produced more binding results.

"Hey, Merl! You got any scissors?"

"As a matter of fact I do. What do you need them for?"

"My hair is caught in the creeper wheel"

Merl brought over the scissors and asked, "What do you want me to do?"

"Cut it off."

So Merl grabs my hair and gets ready to cut the tangled locks off.

"Cutting hair isn't one of my specialties," he points out.

"Make me look pretty, Merl."

With laughter he cut my hair out of the mess I made. I then went into the house and got a hair band and work resumed as normal.

You can't even tell any of my hair is missing.

Thanks, Merl.

Perils of a 5 Minute Commute

2005-09-21T15:16:00.000-06:00

When one has a 5 minute commute, which I do, they are truly blessed. One can leave 5 minutes before work and show up 5 minutes early. Most excellent is what you might say. In fact when our office moved into its new building last year, I was quite excited. My short commute just got shorter!

Most excellent!

Having a short commute does pose a few risks. Such as leaving the house when I should already be at work. Hey! It's a short commute! Or leaving the house after I am already late for work. You can justify it by leaving 5 minutes past 8 and only showing up 10 minutes late for work. C'mon! I'm only 10 minutes late!

But the real problem with a short commute is much bigger than an excuse to be flakey. While I may be right on time, if not early, for work, most of everybody else on the road are either going to be late or are already late. Therefore they drive like maniacs to make sure they aren't late, again.

Take this morning for instance:

Grabbing my daytimer, keys, and the mucho necessito coffee, I head out the door at approximately 10 minutes to 8. I get in my truck, that trusty black Ford Ranger 4x4, back out of the driveway, and drive the 1 block to the end of the street. Stopping at the Stop Sign, I turn on my left signal (because I'm turning left) and wait for the oncoming and offgoing traffic to clear up. I get my opening and make my left hand turn.

Now I head the half mile to the main intersection. This intersection is cool because I don't have to turn so even if I miss the light, I still get through it pretty quick. Today was great as the light was green and I sailed right through. Of course I put a hand on my coffee cup because one little jolt could ruin the whole morning.

As I go through the intersection I can't help but notice a car waiting to make a turn into my lane from the right. I noticed it because it was that cool metallic blue color and it really shone in the sunshine. Proceeding approximately one more block I start to slow down and turn on my left turn signal again. Why? Because I'm turning left.

Unfortunately I had to wait for oncoming traffic to clear before I could make my turn. With only a few blocks remaining in my 5 Minute Commute I look into my rear view mirror. I see two headlights coming up on me pretty quick. I check oncoming traffic again, no luck. I check my review again: Lights closer, approaching quickly, metallic blue surrounding headlights. They're gonna hit me!

Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrch-PUH!

They hit me.

No my back bumper looks like somebody wanted to make a Cinnamon Twisty out of it. The tailgate won't open. Both Taillights are coming out of their sockets. The drivers seat is in a permanent low-rider-cruise position. My steering wheel is even bent. Not to mention about half of my change in my change spot relocated to various places.

Fortunately both drivers were ok. There was one fatality though. And it saddens me to tell you this.

But my coffee didn't make it.

Peanut Butter

2005-09-20T14:48:00.000-06:00

If you don't like peanut butter you might as well find something else to do.

Why is peanut butter soooo good? Who invented peanut butter? I really don't care who. I just love it. I'm glad it was invented. Where would we be without it? In a constant state of loss that's for sure. Just try to imagine life without Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Very scary, eh? Gives me the goose bumps, spinal shivers and eye twitches.

Peanut butter is good in ice cream, cookies, candy bars, sammiches, on the spoon, with celery, chocolate syrup, chocolate chips, chocolate anything for that matter, jellies of various flavors, with honey, as a snack, as a meal or as a treat. See? It's so versatile! Peanut Butter: The Miracle Food. Just think of what you get when you put it on Wonder Bread.

Oh the possibilities!

Here's the cool thing. Somebody at Nabisco got the brainy idea of adding peanut butter filling to Oreos! Dude, that's whack! Heaven, I'm in heaven! Then Dairy Queen offered Oreo Peanut Butter Blizzards! How cool is that? Have it with chocolate ice cream makes it even better! Can you dig it? I can!

Peanut butter has got to be answer to world peace.

Historic Quotes of Peanut Butter:

Give me peanut butter, or give me death!
Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice, Superman just made a Super-PB&J and was about to consume it with a tall glass of milk...
What we've got here is a peanut butter milkshake. Some things you just have to eat, so you get what we had here last week which is the way we want it. Well, we get it. And I like peanut butter more than any of you men.
Peanut butter, peanut butter! Thank God Almighty, it's peanut butter!
Never in the field of peanut butter was so much owed by so many to so few.
Bie shpreddin ze peenutsche buttrin, vee unjoy ze grateshnackin!
Peanut butter is more important than knowledge.
Glory is peanut butter, and jelly is forever.
Ask not what peanut butter can do for you. But what can you do for peanut butter.
Give me peanut butter, and I will eat it.

Ok. So I was bored today.

To my friends and family: From a McComb, MS Resident

2005-09-19T10:50:00.000-06:00

What I have seen since Katrina:

The poor and the wealthy hurt by the storm.
Black, white, Hispanic, Oriental and Indian all hurt by the storm.
Christian people giving, giving, giving.
Churches going all out to minister in Jesus' name.
Neighbors going door to door helping one another.
Thugs and hoodlums going door to door looking for someone vulnerable.
Ice and water being fought over as police tried to keep the peace.
People coming up from New Orleans taking over empty houses because shelters are full.
Out of town volunteers coming with food and staying for now a week still serving it.
The Churches all over this part of the country doing what Christians do in a crisis.
The Red Cross doing a great job in the shelters.
The Salvation Army doing a great job in the community.
Four Hundred crewman from everywhere bring back the power to our homes, churches and businesses.
Lines at service stations a block to a mile long.
National Guardsman patrolling the streets of Mc Comb along with Kentucky policemen protecting us from the hoodlums and thugs of Mc Comb, Pike County and New Orleans (the most dangerous city in the world before Katrina.)
Drug dealers working outside shelters.
Doctors, nurses and other hospital personnel working tirelessly, even sleeping in the hospital to do the job God called them to do.

WHAT I HAVE NOT SEEN:

The ACLU setting up a feeding line.
People for the American Way helping in the shelters.
The NAACP doing any work whatsoever.
The American Atheist organization serving meals in the shelters.
Jesse Jackson directing traffic at the gas stations.

I could go on but you get my message. The gripers in Congress should come on down and get in line to pass the water and the ice. Are you listening Hillary, Chuck, Teddy and all the sorry loafers we call Senators and Congressmen. They don't have a clue as to what this life is all about here on the Gulf Coast.

Neanderthals Extinct – Stupidity Blamed

2005-09-14T17:49:00.000-06:00

Let's hear it for modern science! Old bone analysis tells the story of Neanderthal Man's habits and why he died off.

While looking at a pile of bones that are supposedly from “Neanderthal Man”, scientists are able to read them like Tarot Cards and derive all kinds of nifty information. Of course they did the same thing with the first “Modern Man” bones too so they could see just how Modern Man lived while Neanderthal Man went by the wayside.

I love this stuff. I love the way science can study bone chemicals and figure out what something's habits, preferences and idiosyncrasies were. These guys are good! They tell their fact filled report using such solid statements as “could have” and “probably” while stating these possibilities as facts.

Here's a quote: “when early modern humans moved into Europe, probably from Africa, they brought an appetite for the same large herbivores that the Neanderthals wanted, putting pressure on supply.”

Not only were modern humans living elsewhere at the time of Neanderthals, they were probably in Africa. We all know that Europe is known for its African dominated population. Actually what happened was the the white modern man in Africa found it to be a touch too hot for them. So they moved to Europe where the climate suited them just fine. Now there was unrest and dissension in what is now Russia so the darker skinned peoples migrated as far away as they could: Africa. I hear it's quite a bit warmer there too!

So modern man moved to Europe. There they outlived the Neanderthal Man by their diverse diet of fish, fowl and larger mammals while the Neanderthals dined mostly on the large animals. Big boys, big appetites. But when times became lean and the larger mammals became scarce, the fish and fowl diet of Modern Man sustained him to survival. Meanwhile the Neanderthals died out in masses because they were too stupid to find other sources of nourishment and starved to death.

What a crock of poo poo.

Big Business

2005-09-10T16:13:00.000-06:00

We hear it all the time. Big Business. That's good business. Got good business sense. Good businessman. The word itself is pronounced “biz-ness” even though it should be “busy-ness”. What exactly is “Big Business”?

It's nothing more than monkey doo really.

The actual or original definition of the word business is: The condition of being busy. Of course over time we changed this definition. It now has to do with commerce and the exchange of goods and services for money. So Big Business is nothing more than a large condition of being busy.

Seems kind of silly doesn't it?

When I stepped out of the labor industry into the Corporate World I thought that I had really stepped up. I'm now a part of something. Something big. Big Business! I was no longer “sweating for the man” risking a bad back or injured knees. I had a comfy chair, my own cubicle and the authority to make some decisions. Big decisions. It was, after all, Big Business!

When I started looking at the corporate structure I got quite a shock. This business was nothing more than an array of Mickey Mouse processes from start to finish. With each step came its own stress level. Each stress level compounded upon the previous level until the poor schmucks in Shipping had to work until 2am again.

What's it all for? Money in the name of a good condition of being busy. What's the fruit? Money, high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, murder, abuse, neglect, materialism and status. None of these will do any good when we stand before God and give an account of our lives.

But God, I was the best man with a condition of being busy! I'm worth $10 million! I said to this man “Go!” and he went. I was in charge of everything!

What does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his very soul?

And They Said It Couldn't Be Done

2005-09-06T23:18:00.000-06:00

My wife and I decided the house needed to be rearranged. When I say rearrange, I mean swapping rooms and such. We decided to make the big room (which used to be our bedroom but now is a large cluttered mess of a storage room) into our bedroom Our bedroom would become the TV Room, and the TV/Living Room/Office would become just a wide open office. Sure beats the cramped TV/Living Room/Office.

So we devised a game plan and set forth.

First we had to take out our king size bed. Where did we put it? In the cluttered mess of a storage room. We then moved one dresser out into the kitchen. Then the love seat needed to go into what is to become the TV Room.

The game of musical furniture had begun.

In order for the love seat to fit down the hall, we had to remove a couple little bookcases (which are now in the bathroom) and put the love seat on it's back. It slid down the hall very nicely. We stood it on its end, gave it a little twist, and voila! Into the room it went. Very slick maneuvering if you ask me.

We piled junk from the bedroom onto the love seat to make room for the couch. Figuring the love seat and couch have the same dimensions (aside from length) we put it on its back to slide down the hall. It slid. But the sliding required a tad more umph than the love seat. Reaching the end of the hall we stood the couch on end, gave it a little twist, FOOMP! Gave it a little twist, FOOMP! GAVE IT A LITTLE TWIST, foomp.

Being taller than the doorway and wider than the hall, the couch isn't going to twist.

We tried moving it this way and that way and approaching it from different angles. We tried thinking outside of the box. We prayed for a miracle. That couch is NOT going to fit around the angle that is need to get it into the room. So back into the TV/Living Room/Office it went.

We pondered. We thought. We debated. We measured. We looked. We paced. Ah HA! Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? Sure, Brain. But what if we can't get the chicken to wear the nylons? An idea sprung up!

Take the couch apart!

At first I was a little naysayer and said taking a couch apart required the removal of some of the upholstery and such. But, by running completely out of any other options, I figured we'd at least take a look. So we did.

We tipped the couch upon its back again and removed the feet. Simple enough. Thank you Mr. Makita! Next we pulled off that droopy semi-transparent doo-hickey thing that covers the bottom. We found change, toys, make-up junk, pictures and dead spiders. But we discovered something else:

The couch was put together in sections and each sections had its own upholstery!

The removal of a few bolts was all it took. We got that couch into that room in 3 sections. Slapped it back together and it's as good as new! Of course we had to do a little repair job on one of the cross beams. We have members of the household who can't just seem to sit on the couch. They walk up to it, turn around, poise their behind and relax. FLOP! Into the couch.

Sometimes I think I hear it groan.

What's funny is that just before our daughter went to bed she told us that we'd never get that couch in there. And she got rather indignant. When we showed her the fruits of our labor the next morning, she was truly amazed.

“How on earth did you get that in there?”

“We're good,” was all we said.

She still doesn't know how we did it.

Media Coverage

2005-09-06T00:42:00.000-06:00

The wake of Hurricane Katrina has left an aftermath destruction, death and despair. People literally went days without food, water and adequate shelter. There were times I felt guilty filling up my water bottle courtesy of Mr. Culligan Man. I had ice in it too. It's amazing the simple things we take for granted.

But the media, the soulless vultures that they are, jump all over this kind of event with an insatiable appetite for the morbid. An actual headline on CNN read: Watch: Bodies Bobbing in the Water. Why do I, or anybody else for that matter, need to see that? Isn't a simple description enough to let us know the situation? Why do I have to watch it? Does it make it more real? I don't think so.

I didn't watch it by the way.

I watched Anderson Cooper 360 for a short bit the other day. He was going on and on about how the government was to blame. Like Hurricane Katrina was some evil experiment gone wrong. Or some sort of sicko test or study. Then he went on to say the ungoverned didn't act fast enough.

He was there. Didn't he see the highways that are flooded or destroyed beyond use? The day after Katrina unleashed her wrath the winds were too strong to fly anybody in or out. Let alone make emergency supply drops. Even the charities weren't going to risk the lives of their pilots.

Not to mention the fact that the flood waters were still rising 2 days later. Could you imagine if they just air dropped supplies at the Superdome? Those people would have killed each other trying to get it.

The government didn't fail. They knew Katrina was going to hit. They knew the damage was going to be extensive. They knew that lives would be lost. Which is why they gave out a mandatory evacuation notice. And that notice went out 2 days ahead of Katrina.

A lot of people who stayed behind did so because they rode the last big hurricane out, so they figured they'd ride this one out too. They made a decision. It was a bad one. They need to accept the fact that they made an unwise choice and thank God they are still alive.

I bet a lot of people who, if they had the option, would accept a few days of no food or water if it meant still being alive.

Poll Results

2005-09-03T14:20:00.000-06:00

Today CNN posted a poll on their website asking, "Do failures in the response to Hurricane Katrina raise questions about how officials might handle a major terrorist attack?" What a ridiculous poll. Let's run around the mountain of comparing and apple to an orange again. At the time of this poll the results were 89% - Yes and 11%- No.

Of course I voted no.

I think a comparison is in order. Let's take a natural disaster, say Hurricane Katrina, and compare it to a major terrorist attack. Let's see. What shall we use? I got it! September 11^th. Ok. It's settled.

September 11^th came out of the blue. No warning.
Katrina developed out in the Atlantic several days before it made landfall. There was a mandatory evacuation notice given 2 days before it hit.

September 11^th affected an area measured in city blocks
Katrina flooded 80% of New Orleans. Not to mention the towns completely levelled in Mississippi. The measurement is in square miles. Not blocks.

September 11^th: the whole city of New York mobilized.
Katrina: the majority of the city of New Orleans got the heck outta Dodge before it hit.

September 11^th: Commuications, water, electricty, sewer, and roads intact.
Katrina: No water, electricity, sewer or communications. Most roads were flooded. Some under 20 feet of water.

September 11^th: War is declared on Terrorism and action taken. We are currently at war.
Katrina: War is declared on the weather. Fighter jets and nukes are prepared to attack any tropical storm brewing in the Atlantic. We'll show nature who's boss.

Ok. I made that last one up. But you get the idea. Terrorists are a tangible, and sometimes predictable force. A real enemy. If we intercept plans of a terrorist attack we can head it off and/or prepare for retaliation.

With nature we can only hang on and try to ride it out or head to higher ground.

A Loss of Perspective

2005-09-01T08:54:00.000-06:00

As I read the coverage of Hurricane Katrina's aftermath I'm amazed on three accounts. The first being how quickly tragedy brings people together. We join hands and resources, set differences aside to become one and get the job done. For a brief time we are one, selfless, working for the common good.

The second account is how quickly some see such a time as an opportunity for personal gain. Like the gangs and looters running around New Orleans right now. President Bush says there should be "zero tolerance" for lawlessness during this emergency. And I agree. Take them buggers out and add them to the body count.

The third is the loss of perspective. Over a million people have been displaced. Hundreds, if not thousands in need of rescue, and tens of thousands needing evacuation. Even with all of this going on we get the few who want to be attended to RIGHT NOW! And they find it ridiculous that those who are in worse predicaments are attended to first. A loss of perspective.

The story within the story that I'm referring to is the lady who lost her husband of 16 years. It truly is a sad story. He had advanced lung cancer and was on oxygen. Unable to evacuate him, he and his wife rode out the storm. Afterwards, with phones and power out, he ran out of oxygen. His wife tried to get help but it was too late. He passed away.

I can't even begin to imagine losing my wife. The pain this woman is feeling has got to be beyond intense. She's obviously grieving and my heart does go out to her. Now we look at the loss of perspective. She tried to get somebody to help her with her husband's body. And when nobody would, she said it was ridiculous.

Ridiculous? Ridiculous!

Why would anyone push aside the living in immediate need to attend to the dead? Loss of perpesctive. All joking aside the dead aren't going anywhere. They certainly aren't going to be any worse off. But the living may quit living if they aren't attended to. So why risk losing the living to tally up the lost?

To me that's ridiculous.

The dead are dead. Nothing we do here is going to change that. Dead. We can't make them more comfortable. We can't help them pass to the other side. We can't make sure they are all right on the other side. Their spirit is gone. All that remains is the flesh and bone shell of who they used to be.

Makes me so glad I know Jesus. I'm going to grieve my parents when their time comes. I'm going to grieve my grandma who is 92 and can "move on" at any time. But you know what? I'm going to see them again. Why? Because they know Jesus too. For those who know Jesus as their personal savior, death isn't good bye.

It's see ya soon!~

Jesus Wasn't White

2005-08-31T07:33:00.000-06:00

Some researchers and scientists have made a discovery. Jesus may not have been fair skinned. He probably didn't have blue eyes. He more than likely doesn't look anything like the man that has been depicted in so many traditional pictures.

Hello! Doesn't take a degree in rocket science to figure out that a person born a full blooded Jew in Israel would have dark skin. But obviously this is brand spankin' hot news to some.

The BBC has co-produced a television series documentary taking on an entirely scientific perspective into Christ and his life. After some new archaeological discoveries and a “reevaluation of the historicity of the Gospels” they have uncovered “new” evidence of some things. Like the possibility of Jesus being born in a cave.

I think they are making it up as they go along.

You can't take what's in the Bible and then completely reinterpret what it says. When the story of Christ's birth states that he was born in a stable and laid in a manger, I can see how going back over the original Greek texts will actually state that Jesus was really born in a cave. The stable & manger thing was just ad-lib.

Once again the media and scientific communities are doing what they can to take away from who Christ is. They've even woven “a tale of how a young carpenter may have been inspired to lead a pacifist rebellion against the establishment in Jerusalem launching a religion now embraced by 2 billion people.” Happens all the time where I come from.

Especially when the end result is a long and painful death.

When these people die they will finally know what color Jesus was when He was here on Earth. My bet is at that time they won't really care.

Cloning - We Know What We're Doing

2005-08-30T07:28:00.000-06:00

During a hearing, pro-cloning experts told the House Energy and Commerce Committee the the high risks of cloning have been taken care of because “we know what we're doing.”

Yeah, and pigs fly out my butt.

Most mammals that have been cloned become sick, most don't make it to term. But that's ok, all the high risks have been taken care of. They “know what they are doing.” When Dolly (the sheep) was cloned, it took 277 attempts. Not bad odds I guess.

Cloned mice, if they even reach term, look normal at birth. But once they reach puberty (kind of a scary thought, prepubescent mice) they gain weight. They don't just get heavy, mind you, they get obese. And the cloners don't know why! Do they still know what they are doing? I highly doubt it.

After successfully cloning sheep, cows, goats, pigs and mice (with a very low success rate) one scientist said, “over a hundred embryos may produce one baby – and it can have problems – we don't know why...we must find this out first in animals.”

Since nobody that we know of has attempted to clone a human, how can anybody possibly claim to know what they are doing? The scientists who built the first Atom Bomb didn't know what they were doing. They were worried that the explosion wouldn't stop and that it would continue until it wiped out everything. They didn't know if it would even go off. I say that Pro Human Cloners are very arrogant indeed. Or maybe they are just extremely impatient and don't care what happens to the cloned human once they are born.

What I don't understand is why they want to clone humans in the first place. Let's just add to the expanding population where there are already millions of homeless, starving people. And let's do it the hard way! Must be a government agency that is setting this up.

It's not like God didn't already give us the tools necessary to make clones anyway. He calls them babies. Why not make babies the old fashioned way? It's a lot more fun right? Besides, we all know that a copy of something isn't as good as the original.

What happens if somebody inadvertently clones a clone? Will their margins be off center and their skin tone blurry or blotchy?

It's out of my hands.

When Pickles Attack

2005-08-29T00:02:00.000-06:00

Little beknownst to the average layman, a new threat to humanity is on the rise. As of October 1999 there has only been one single recorded incident of this danger. But its progress must be stopped! This vile apparition has been known to cause mass hysteria, panic and 2^nd degree burnt chins everywhere.

The culprit: Defective and unreasonably dangerous pickles.

The incident occurred when an “extremely hot pickle” jumped out of a McDonald's burger, screamed in rage at the potential pickle consumer, and grossly fused itself to her chin. The attack left a woman with a hugely disproportioned and unsightly scar on her chin. To say that the aftermath of the attempt on this woman's life was ugly, is an understatement.

Now this poor woman is seeking a $110,000 settlement from McDonald's. She says “the pickle was defective and unreasonably dangerous to the customer, breaching an implied warranty for safety.” First of all I've never seen anything at, in or around McDonald's guaranteeing that a pickle won't attack you. Second, exactly how hot was that pickle?

If the pickle was hot enough to cause a 2^nd degree burn on skin, then one would think that the all beef-patty-special-sauce-lettuce-cheese would have been hot enough to burn the inside of the mouth too. So why wasn't that taken into account of such a frivolous lawsuit? Or was the pickle the only hot thing on that burger?

I'm not sure of the outcome of the lawsuit. Hopefully it was laughed out of court.

The obviously deranged and disturbed pickle, which was killed in the incident, wasn't available for comment.

What is Art?

2005-08-27T02:41:00.000-06:00

The dictionary defines art as:

Human effort to imitate, supplement, alter, or counteract the work of nature.
The conscious production or arrangement of sounds, colors, forms, movements, or other elements in a manner that affects the sense of beauty, specifically the production of the beautiful in a graphic or plastic medium.
The study of these activities.
The product of these activities; human works of beauty considered as a group.
High quality of conception or execution, as found in works of beauty; aesthetic value.

It's interesting that the definition includes such things as “human effort”, “conscious production”, “study” and “quality”. One would think that such descriptions would be indicative of breathtaking works fit for grand display. One would even think that such works would warrant awe and praise.

So why is mediocrity and filth being displayed as art?

Chinese artist, and I use that term loosely, Xiao Yu is one who believes anything is art. Even if it's a sculpture of a seagull body attached to a pickled head of a fetus. It's not clear in the article I read if the seagull was a sculpture or real, but the pickled head is. I'm sorry, such putrescence isn't art.

It's downright sick.

Are people so depraved that if it sits on a stand or hangs on a wall it's art? I think they are. I could put little effort onto a piece of canvas, call it Finger Painting in Poo, die and it's art. It would probably sell at Sotheby's for a Grand Prazillion Dollars. And I'd be immortalized as an artiste extraordinaire.

For my next piece I think I shall barf on the floor, take a picture of it, blow it up to a 10 foot glossy and call it:

What's Up Chuck?

Tsunami After-Tshock

2005-08-26T07:29:00.000-06:00

4 Inch Tsunami Threatens Coast After Quake

On Tuesday, August 16^th, 2005 a 7.2 magnitude earthquake shook the northeastern parts of Japan. The quake, centered 50 miles off the Miyagi state coast, knocked out power, caused landslides, disrupted rail service, grounded flights, shook skyscrapers and showered swimmers at an indoor pool with debris from the ceiling.

Reports stated that at least 59 people were injured.

The quake also triggered two 4 inch tsunamis but authorities expected that the waves would cause little damage. And they didn't.

Well, what did they expect? They were only 4 inches high! I can see the headline now:

Four Inch Tsunami Levels Sandcastle! 0 Injuries, 1 Youth Emotionally Crushed!

Ever since the devestating tsunamis caused by the December 26, 2004 Sumatra quake, the world has been a tad gunshy of ocean jolts. And rightly so! That quake caused a tsunami that took the lives of more than 200,000 people. So now every rattle in the Pacific gets a tsunami warning.

But at what point does caution become downright paranoia?

A tsunami is defined as:
A very large ocean wave caused by an underwater earthquake or volcanic eruption.
A huge destructive wave (especially one caused by an earthquake)

I didn't know that a small to average sized wave caused by an earthquake was considered a tsunami. Exactly how much damage would a 4 inch tsunami cause? Ahh! My shoes are wet! Look! My sand shovel is headed out to sea! Cursed 4 inch tsunami! My life will never be the same!

Kinda sounds like a sandwich.

I'll take a 4 inch Tsunami on Rye please!

Chimps: Righty or Lefty?

2005-08-25T07:34:00.000-06:00

After studying 17 chimpanzees in Tanzania researchers have concluded that chimps can either be right handed or left handed. Just like humans! They say that the chimps preferred to use their left hand but will use their left hand for some tasks while using their right for others.

Makes you wonder how long they had to watch the chimps to draw this profound conclusion. The title of the news article read: “Study: Chimps show hand preference” and my first impression was, “Well, duh. Why wouldn't they?”

Other observations show that chickens and frogs show hand prefrerence to an extent. Even though chickens don't have hands. My conclusion of this is: If you are a symetrical being you only have two sides to choose from. Chances are you'll favor one over the other.

They stated that their observations suggest (that means to offer for consideration or action; propose, not prove) that the root of left-brain/right-brain splits associated with hand preference had already evolved 5 million years ago. Before early humans split from their chimp family.

They say that chimpanzee hand preference runs in the family with the youngins using the same hand as their mother. They also noted that chimps in captivity are predominately right handed. But this could be due to the fact that the captive chimps are raised by humans who are mostly right handed.

So hand preference in chimps isn't really due to the 5 million year old left-brain/right-brain evolutionary split as the article suggests. Nor is hand preference in chimps hereditary.

Rather it's monkey see, monkey do.

Springtime Activity

2005-08-23T19:36:00.000-06:00

Written about the day's events of May 15, 2005

Well today I decided I'd better mow the lawn. The first time this year. It's mid-May and our lawn is already overgrown with dandelions and other noxious weeds.

They like my lawn for some reason.

The first thing I decided to do is rake up the pine cones. I usually skip this step resulting in loud pops and bangs coinciding with a machine-gun-like propelling of pine cones into various places. Including low orbit. As this obviously poses an intermediate threat to nearby persons, pets and windows, I thought that cleaning them up this year was a good idea.

I even recruited my boy for assistance with the Pile Pick-up Maneuver.

Next I gabbed my trusty Clipper-Snippers and trimmed branch overhang from the trees. This year those nasty buggers won't steal my hat, pull my hair, scratch my shoulders or remove either of my eyes.

My boy removed the mess from the front yard and piled it in the back. Ain't he great?

The following step is the "Let's See If The Lawn Mower Will Start This Year Step". This is usually a 2-3 hour process involving colorful speech, dislocated fingers, and retiring to the house reeking of petroleum products.

This step is broken down into Sub-Steps:

1. Check fuel tank: Make sure it's full. It was empty so I filled it.

2. Prime: I pushed the little black rubber button many more times than recommended. 3 is never enough.

3. Pull Cord: First pull was normal. During the second pull the motor jammed. Since I was pulling on the cord with a good amount of effort, and the motor suddenly stopped, the handle was ripped from my fingers causing every joint up to the shoulder to groan as they were being yanked from their sockets. Insert colorful speech.

4. Pull Cord Again: This time I used caution and got past the jamming phase. I noticed that liquid shot out of the muffler.

5. Pondering Phase: One must ponder why gasoline is exiting the exhaust port at such a high rate of speed.

6. Pull Cord: More gasoline. The cylinder must be full of gasoline so let's empty it and try again.

7. Remove Spark Plug: I retrieved my trusty tool box and removed the spark plug. I then tilted the mower forward allowing the excess fuel to drain out. At $2.29 a gallon it was a very sad sight.

8. Pull Cord: This usually results in the clearing out of the cylinder. A maneuver I have successfully accomplished on many occasions.

But today was quite different.

Upon the pulling of the cord, the cylinder indeed got blown out, but the spark plug wire (a good 2-3 inches from any metal) must have used the expelling mixture of gasoline and air as a conductor. The result was the ignition of fuel being expelled, the ignition of spilled fuel on the lawn mower, and the ignition of fuel on the walkway.

The result? A small fire resistant to being extinguished by a good puff of air.

Surveying the fruits of my labor I stated, "Oh. This can't be good."

My boy came over and asked, "What should we do?"

"Turn on the hose!"

Thankfully I had previously moved the hose from back yard to the front and even connected it. My dream of washing my truck on the fresh cut lawn was quickly dying.

I grabbed the hose while my son turned it on and helped unwind it. The spray from the hose quickly forced the flames into submission.

"There's still fire underneath!" pointed out the youth. I shot water under the now steaming piece of machinery. Pressing down on the handle lifting the front end off the ground I asked him if there was any more fire.

"Nope! It's out!"

"Good."

I put the lawn mower back together and pulled the cord. More fuel out the exhaust. I determined that the lawn mower had reached the end of its life and put all my equipment away.

Looks like I'll have to "farm out” the lawn maintenance this year.

Bummer.

The Duh Factor?

2005-08-22T16:44:00.000-06:00

Why yes!

There are just too many Stupid Human Tricks that occur on a semi-daily basis just to pass up and ignore.

What I shall accomplish in the upcoming time frame of who knows how long, is to expose ignorance for what it is. Especially if an individual or group is trying to convince us that something really is what it is not. This won't just be another criticism site poking fun just to make myself feel better, NAY! It shall be more towards the uncovering of the skewing of truth.

Using humor and wit (not necessarily in that order) I will attempt to lay the intellectual smack down on the ignorant and absurd things that try to wash our brains into believing falsehoods and partial truths are the real deal.

And I probably will throw in some other random thoughts and things like most Bloggers do.

Care to join me on this journey?